by Cyrus Webb
'It's okay.'
Those two words are so simple, yet hold so much power. For Ally Dalsimer, those words are not just a reminder for herself but for the world. Through her book IT'S OKAY NOT TO BE FABULOUS EVERY DAY she delivers a permission slip to be kind to yourself while embracing your own individuality and value.
I was so impressed with the message of the book I asked Ally to join me on Amazon Live in a limited series to discuss it and her own journey to embracing who she was meant to be. In this conversation we discuss her 2024 highlights, the message of the book and what's to come.
Ally, we are so glad to have you gracing the cover of our first issue of Conversations Magazine for 2025. Looking at 2024, what were some of the highlights for you?
Personally, road-tripping to Georgia and Florida with my daughter to visit her two remaining grandparents. Spending hours and hours alone together brought us even closer, plus she’s a lot of fun. Watching my son perform in various shows, at clubs, and on stage, especially when he performed locally. He portrayed Pat Bateman in the musical adaptation of American Psycho – super creepy but amazing. I also spent a day at a Renaissance Festival with my daughter. Throwing knives and shooting arrows was especially fun, and I got to meet Martika (“the one-woman stunt show”) who became the inspiration for my Summer of Success series. And also connecting with friends that I was really close with in high school. Even though some of us hadn't seen each other for years, we picked up right where we’d left off – still the best of friends.
Professionally, writing my first ever children’s book, which is nearly complete. It’s called Jack & Ginger: An Unexpected Friendship, and I hope to get it out in 2025. Also, the feedback I’ve had on my newsletter, which touches on a wide array of issues along with providing personal and author updates. Getting invited to be the keynote speaker at my high school’s annual alumnae weekend. I was super nervous since I didn’t know until I got there that I was the keynote speaker, but it went well. And, last but not least, having the re-release of It’s Okay Not to Be Fabulous Every Day become an international bestseller, including hitting #1 in the Self-Help Motivation category.
Challenges come to us all. What helped you not to be defined by the things that didn’t go your way?My kids. They consistently uplift me as I hope I do for them. The past year was a bit of a roller coaster, not just for me but for them as well. As you know, I originally wrote FABULOUS to be life guidance for them, so I often quote phrases or themes from the book to them when they’re down or struggling. Usually it’s my daughter, the budding psychologist, who manages to find just the right thing to say but in November, I was talking with my son about how overwhelmed I felt by all that was going on, and he said “you know, Mama, you don’t have to be fabulous every day” – it made me laugh, which lightened my mood and allowed me to gift myself a bit of grace.
Part of your platform is to motivate and inspire others. What was it like for you to see how your work has had an impact on the lives of others?
I’m not sure I really “see” the impact except with my kids, but I hear about it. So many people have reached out to share how my book has helped them through a dark or turbulent time. One woman shared that she uses the book as a daily devotional or inspirational, picking a passage at random each morning to reflect on. Others have said they pick the book up whenever they feel low or uncertain or need a boost, and read whatever section relates to what they’re experiencing. Getting that feedback was one of the reasons I developed the new edition – among other changes, I added a table of contents so people could easily find the section that speaks to whatever portion of their journey they’re on.
In the back of my book, I write “If even one kernel of wisdom in this book helped you, I have succeeded. If not, well… that’s okay. I did my best.” By the metric of helping people, which is the one that matters most to me, my book is a success because it has positively impacted people’s lives for which I am incredibly grateful.
You use words to convey your thoughts. When did you realize the power of words for yourself?
Long ago. I prefer not to go into detail but will say that being verbally abused and berated can be just as harmful as being physically abused. It can take a long time to heal from years of denigration and belittling. Words have a way of burrowing deep into your soul, embedding themselves in the quiet corners of your mind. If you’re not careful, they will reshape and deform your self-perceptions long after they’ve been spoken. That internal dialogue can become a constant echo, defining how you see the world and, more importantly, how you see yourself.
But words can heal, too. They’re not just weapons; they can also be tools for recovery. We’ve all had moments when an unexpected compliment from a stranger instantly turns our whole day around. What we too often forget is that speaking kindly and encouragingly to ourselves can also have a profound impact. Manifesting, meditating, journaling… whatever method you choose, it’s important to recognize your inherent worth – I call it “embracing your inner fabulosity” – by giving yourself positive feedback and using your words or voice to lift yourself and others up.
After all, a rising tide lifts all ships. The healing transformation won’t happen overnight, but words have power. You can claim that power by speaking words of kindness and love and encouragement. In FABULOUS, I quote Hafiz: “The words you speak become the house you live in.” That’s a truth I’ve come to fully embrace.
Ally, I am under the belief that we all have a voice that needs to be heard. What has helped you to share your voice with the world?
Putting yourself “out there” is scary. It means revealing parts of your inner being that, at least for me, are easier to hide. I think this is especially true for those of us with low self-esteem. If we don’t value who we are and what we do, why should anyone else? If we don’t think what we have to say has merit, then why bother speaking.
Recognizing that each and every one of us has worth is the first and most crucial step towards embracing that inner fabulosity. What helped me share my voice – what continues to help me realize that my voice is worth sharing – is the positive feedback I’ve received which has helped me embrace that I too am worthy and therefore what I have to say is worthy of being said and heard.
Social media is something all of us use. How has it helped you to reach your audience?
I have a love/hate relationship with social media —or maybe "hate" isn't the right word.… "Ambivalence" might be more accurate. I do enjoy connecting with my audience, especially in a world where face-to-face interaction isn’t always possible, and social media has been invaluable in making those connections possible. Marketers aside, I really appreciate the direct and instant messaging features they offer. In addition to facilitating reconnections with old friends, they allow me to connect with new people.
Engaging on social media also enables me to share my work, personal insights, and motivational messages. It’s a great space for sharing moments of joy and success in ways that I hope inspire others and raise awareness about mental health, personal growth, and the importance of kindness both to oneself and to others.
The downside, of course, is that it takes time and effort. And every minute I spend on social media is time I’m not spending doing something else, especially writing, which is really what I love.
Many people finished 2024 with uncertainty and even fear. What advice would you give them about keeping optimism with the new year?
“This too shall pass” – my grandmother and later my mother said it all the time. They both experienced significant hardships and trauma in their lives, including surviving the London bombings in WW2. They had a wisdom that I feel I’m only recently beginning to appreciate and, hopefully, embody. Fear is a natural instinct protecting us from the dangers of the unknown, but the reality is that we can’t control what happens to us or around us.
Sometimes we can influence external events or other people but, in the end, all we control is what we do and how we react to what is done to us. Sometimes we make a difference; sometimes not. We must keep trying and, as Winston Churchill said, “never, never, never give up.” But we must guard against fear. Fear unchecked becomes hate, and we have enough fear-driven hate in the world right now.
What are you looking forward to when it comes to this year?
Personally, I’d love to spend a few weeks visiting my daughter this summer. She attends school out of state, and I miss her being close. I’d also like to watch as many of my son’s shows as I can and am secretly hoping he has at least one show close to home so I can see it multiple times. And I’d like to socialize a bit more. Since my husband passed away, I’ve cocooned myself. That’s not to say I haven’t gotten out and done things, but I’ve kept that innermost part of myself sheltered. I think 2025 may be the year to begin changing that.
Professionally, I’d like to complete and find an agent for my children’s book. I also plan to finish writing and publish the follow-up book to FABULOUS—I’m still undecided about whether I’ll self-publish again, but I might. I’m also working on a journaling workbook, though only intermittently. More exciting would be to write a book in a completely new genre – I've got some ideas brewing but haven’t had the time to explore them fully yet. I’m also toying with the idea of public speaking. I’ve been told I’m good at it and I enjoy it, so who knows.
So, I guess what I’m looking forward to in 2025 is continuing this amazing journey we call life, even knowing that the highs will be balanced by lows. My goal is to be successful, by which I mean doing what I love with the people I love. And I believe the key to success is embracing it all with honesty, bravery and kindness, especially towards oneself.
Thanks for all you do. How can our audience stay connected with you?
The best way for my audience to stay connected with me is to sign up for my free twice-monthly newsletter. Each issue is filled with helpful hints and lots of resource links for dealing with life’s ups and downs, as well as author updates and personal info. Plus, when you sign up, you’ll get my “How to Maximize Your Personal Potential” flyer, which I’ve also included as bonus materials in the revised edition of FABULOUS.
https://allydalsimer.com/newsletter/
https://allydalsimer.com/
