Monday, July 18, 2011

Mary's Motivational Message: Expectations (Conversations Magazine August Issue)

How many of you have expectations, standards outlining what you are willing to except in a relationship. Whether it is a relationship with your spouse, someone you are dating, a relative or with a friend, there is a standard. For the most part, I believe that it is safe to say that we all have them.

Months ago I forwarded an email to an associate and I ended it with a phrase that I so often use. After several weeks, I noticed that our contact had lessoned. Without doubt, I concluded that there was a problem. After forwarding a letter explaining my concern, I was informed that the closing words I used in my email did not sit well with this individual.

Now from my perspective, I saw no problem because that particular statement had been used by me for years and I viewed it as endearing. I responded by stating that I did not agree with how the situation was handled; the distancing. In addition, I went on to say how life is a journey, and how the lenses we utilize to see and process our interaction with the world, is constructed from our individual life experiences and before we settle on a conclusion and convict, we need to assess the “Big Picture”. I’m thrilled to share that the situation has been resolved. I always state that there is a lesson in our journey and indeed there was a lesson gained and another lesson still awaiting.

You see, several months ago while having a quiet moment, GOD spoke to me. I came to that conclusion because in that moment, I was flooded with knowledge and wisdom. And if by chance it wasn’t GOD than it was my Dad, my Grandmother or my Great Grandmother checking in on me; or better yet, putting me in check!!! The wisdom instilled provided insight into how I held other’s to an EXPECTATION that I was not adhering too. Does this sound familiar?

At this very moment many of you are going through a situation where perhaps you and someone very dear to you did not see eye to eye and instead of talking it out, someone took offense and has been distant. Someone has been offended. Offended just enough for it to be felt but left unresolved.

I came to the realization that I was guilty of the very same act that I had scolded my associate of. There was something said, it rubbed me the wrong way. Instead of processing it and reaching a resolution with the individual, I remained silent and this placed a slight distance between us. I-was-wrong and yes, I have sense apologized.

Listen, we can’t maintain one list of expectations for others and not apply that very same list to ourselves. We must learn to model the very behaviors we wish to see extended to us from others.
- If you don’t what individuals yelling at you, don’t yell at them
- If you wish to be treated with respect, treat others with respect
- If you despise gossiping, stop gossiping
- If you desire more love and compassion extended to you, extend it to others
And remember, the very next time you decide to make a list outlining your expectations, be sure that you are also committed to living your life as a reflection, of the standards you have set for others. And never forget that we are all simply a work in progress.

Love, Peace and Joy…24/7,
Mary E. Gilder-author of, A Misrepresentation of Myself

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