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Sunday, July 22, 2012

BOOKS ARE SEXY: Author J'son M. Lee


by Cyrus Webb

Authors like J'son M. Lee are not always easy to find nor do they normally get the credit and attention they deserve.

I first heard of him in 2011, but it wasn't until this year that I had a chance to interview him on Conversations LIVE and share his literary journey with our audience. As CEO of Foresight Publishing, he has taken full control of his destiny and published the kind of work that not only he wanted to share but what so many want to read. As someone who can read and appreciate work of all genres, I welcomed the opportunity to spotlight Mr. Lee, not only because of his passion for the craft but his courage as well.

Discussing issues like same-sex relationships is not always easy to do, but I found that what J'son has done through work like JUST TRYIN' TO BE LOVED is not just talk about sexuality. He has gotten to the core of the real desire for all of us: to feel appreciated, wanted and respected for who we are and what we bring to the world. It is for that reason that J'son M. Lee's book made my Summer Reading List this year.

Now I give you, our readers of Conversations Magazine, a taste of what Lee has to offer...

Excerpt from J’son M. Lee’s JUST TRYIN’ TO BE LOVED

Tony and I finished dessert and found ourselves on the living room floor listening to some of my favorite artists – Ann Nesby, Rachelle Ferrell, Regina Belle and Shirley Murdock.  They kept me company many lonely nights.  When Tony and I were dating, I listened to them all the time around the house.  I remember one day Tony sarcastically asked if I knew there were other singers in the world.  Funny that he now had a compilation CD with some of the same favorites.  When Shirley Murdock’s “Stay With Me Tonight” came on and Tony snuggled in closer to me, I immediately knew my ass was in trouble.
“Little One, why don’t you spend the night with me?  It’s kinda’ late and I can just take you back to your car early in the morning.”

“Tony…I…uhhh…I’m not ready for all this.”
“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do or anything you’re not ready for.  Yes, I would love to be able to hold you all night, but I’m really just making the offer because it’s so late.  Nothing more, nothing less.  It’s up to you.  No pressure.”

I was extremely tired and Tony’s offer was very tempting.  I think I was more afraid of myself than I was of him.  I had not slept with anyone since Tony and as one-sided as our love making was, I yearned for him.  But I needed to remain strong.  Sleeping with him without knowing his true intent could prove devastating.  I finally felt like I had some of my control back and it would be so easy to give him that control back.  This man still had so much power over me and I knew he could tell.

As if knowing how I’d answer Tony said, “Let’s go to bed. I’ll set the alarm to wake up early and take you to the train station.”  Without a word, he grabbed me by the hand and I followed him to the bedroom.

All I could think about was being in Tony’s arms.  I really had no expectations.  I remembered how his embrace used to comfort me and that’s what I wanted.  Tony’s hands moved down to my thighs and my body jerked with confusion.  I still loved Tony, but I remembered all the pain he caused me.  I desired him sexually, but a true commitment was what I wanted.  I wanted to embrace him, but my head was fighting with my heart.

        I remembered his arrogance oh so well.  He told me I loved him.  He didn’t ask.  “I do love you Tony, but I don’t know what that means anymore.  When you left, I had a very hard time picking up the pieces.  I gave you all of me and when it didn’t work, I didn’t know how to go on.  I’m still not sure that I do.  A year and a half is not a long time in the overall scheme of things, but it’s a long time to lose yourself.”  “Shhh,” Tony said pressing his fingers against my lips.  “Go to sleep.  We can talk about this later.”

I rolled over onto my side and like he used to do, Tony held me as I drifted off to sleep.  The alarm went off at five o’clock.  While it was a short sleep, it was the best sleep that I had in a long time.  It felt good to be held by him again.

        Oddly, my thoughts went to Jared.  Jared was the only man that I allowed to hold me since my breakup with Tony.  He had accomplished something that no one else had been able to do.  He was cracking the wall that I had erected to protect my heart.  It felt good being in his arms that day at his condo and it was not because he was familiar.  It’s because it was what I wanted.  Why did life have to be so complicated?  I was comfortable living my life without a man.  In a few months’ time, I now had two men in my life.  I didn’t invite anyone into my world.  Why did they both have to come knocking now?  

Enjoyed this excerpt from JUST TRYIN’ TO BE LOVED? Purchase your copy today at Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com or by visiting the author’s site at www.jmccoylee.com.

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