[The J Spot with Shari Alyse] Always Allow Love to Offer Wisdom

Quite a few years ago, when that Tom guy was running that hugely popular social networking site (yeah, you loved it too), I received a random email from a 15 year old boy that said, “You are an old b*#ch and should stop trying to look so hot and stop acting like a whore.”

Wow. 

That was a bit unexpected (to say the least) and quite a message to wake up to that day. I didn’t know the boy. I didn’t know why I received it. All I did know was that my first thoughts were how immature he was. And then the anger and defensiveness came over me and I started going over in my head how he’d be lucky to have a woman like me, how I felt sorry for his parents, that he must not have any friends, and on and on and on. Suddenly, I had the realization that as I was going off in my head about this boy, I was acting in the same manner he was. I was lashing out at him because of some hurt I was feeling. I stopped dead in my tracks, took a breath and did something I had never done before up to that point.

I decided to act with LOVE.

I decided right then and there that this boy needed love. I wasn’t sure why that thought came to me, but I knew it was something that had to be done. It didn’t need to be a novel or lecture telling him how childish and rude he was and how he would learn one day or anything like that. It only needed to be love. I opened up his message and simply wrote, “Love and peace to you” and signed my name. That was it. I went on with the rest of my day.

The next morning, I saw in my inbox that I had a new message and the sender was this boy. My heart sunk a bit not sure what rudeness I was going to read now. What came next almost knocked me over. It read, “I’m sorry for what I wrote yesterday. I’m just a young, immature kid and I hope you can forgive me.” I must have re-read that email about 10 times in that moment and had the biggest smile on my face.

It was right there that I knew for sure that love and kindness are always the way to go in any situation. 

I learned right then that if I had reacted in the same manner as him, then any lesson he could’ve learned would have been lost through the nasty things I would’ve said. By me acting from a place of love and kindness, he was then able to see his behavior clearly. I see it happen every day. I see people go back and forth in fighting and never see how they play a major part in what is happening.

The woman who was blocking a door at the grocery store while on her phone will never see how she was being self-absorbed and selfish because all she will talk about and remember is the “crazy” woman who went off on her at the grocery store. The guy who was being rude and not letting the other driver in on the freeway, won’t see that he was not being kind, he will only remember the “animal” on the road who flipped him off and blared his horn. The woman at Starbucks who forgot her manners by not holding the door open for someone, will not see her behavior, but will instead only see the angry woman who mumbled under her breath calling a few choice swear words. All of those people now go about their day, being upset, unhappy, pissed off and then sharing that negative energy with all the people they come across. Do you see how this cycle works?

I, alone, cannot bring about world peace, but I can bring inner peace to myself and to my immediate surroundings by being guided by kindness, love, and compassion with all those whom I come across every day. We, individually are responsible for the energy that we bring into a room and into the world each day. I invite you to begin thinking about what you want to leave behind when you walk out of a room. Do you want to be that person that brings joy into it and leaves others with a smile or do you want to be that person that brings everyone down when you are around and then can’t wait for you to leave? We have choices in every single moment, and even when it might seem hard to take the higher road, it is possible and it will bring forth a gentler and kinder world for others, but most importantly, for yourself.

When faced with challenging situations, always remember to A.L.L.O.W. (Always Let Love Offer Wisdom) love and kindness to guide you in all that you do.

We never know what the other person is going through on that particular day and we would only hope that we would receive the same forgiveness when we act in ways that might not always be in our higher, better self. None of us are perfect, and if we can remember as much as possible that most people just want to be loved and felt appreciated, we can begin to act from this place of LOVE and witness as everyone and everything in our lives begins to change. I will admit that it’s not always easy, but as they say, it is always worth it.

By the way, I wrote back to that boy, “Of course I forgive you. I was immature once, too. Still am sometimes.” He simply responded with a smile. A special thank you goes out to that young man for his apology and for allowing me now to be led by a life of compassion, kindness, love and forgiveness.

“Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are.” − Unknown

Shari Alyse is the best selling author of the book, Love Yourself Happy. She is also a motivational speaker and self-love coach. If you’d like to work with Shari, you can find out more about her at www.ShariAlyse.com. 

[The J Spot with Shari Alyse] Your Flaws Are Beautiful

For years I tried to be perfect. I didn’t want people to know that below these shoulders was a body that didn’t fit my thinner face. I didn’t want people to know that I wore hair pieces and wigs. Somehow, I thought that by being perfect, I would be more loved.

The only ones that loved me more were the people who cared about that kind of thing. And the thing about those kind of people, they were ultimately the ones I didn’t want in my life and wouldn’t stick around through the tough stuff anyway.

The kicker about all of this, the more and more I hid who I really was and presented what I thought others wanted, I was the one that didn’t end up liking this person. I was the one who always felt discontent, inauthentic and a mere shadow of myself.

The beautiful thing about you and I are our imperfections, our flaws, quirks and crooked smiles. The beautiful thing about us is that we were created to be exactly who we are and each moment that we choose and allow ourselves to show up in all of our imperfect perfection, is truly when we begin living.

I know it can be tough when the world around you seems to demand more from you. When you find yourself unconsciously comparing yourself to the more successful person, the flatter abs, the ‘always’ vacationing couple, the seemingly ‘always' happy person and the ‘fill in the blank’ of anyone else or anything else you compare yourself to.

 I get it. It’s right in your face wherever you turn. But the important thing to note is that there is nobody that has it all together. There is nobody that is perfectly happy in every single area of their life - from health, relationships, career, looks, etc. We all have been dealt a hand that has been tailor made for us - a hand that helps us grow, expand, heal and love. A hand that simply wants you to begin to understand your worth and value and one that knows that only you can offer your kind of greatness.

So enough with this hiding! Enough with the sitting on the sidelines of your life! And enough with the dimming of your light! We need you. The world needs you. Your flaws are your strength and your personal power. Use them. Embrace them. Be proud of them. They are yours and not a soul on this planet will ever be able to carry them the way that you do.

And for the record, I now post full-body pictures online. I now have spoken very openly about my hair or rather the hair I bought and I even use the hashtag #wigs when I do. You see, the day that I decided to take a real good look within, was the day that I saw all of me. And all of me and all of you is pure and indescribable beauty.

Your flaws are unbelievably beautiful and unbelievably YOU.

Shari Alyse is the best selling author of the book, Love Yourself Happy. She is also a motivational speaker and self-love coach. If you’d like to work with Shari, you can find out more about her at www.ShariAlyse.com. 

10 Tips to Love Yourself Happy by Shari Alyse

Stop beating yourself up.
Stop taking everything so seriously.
Love more. 
Laugh more. 
Forgive yourself more. 
Worry less. 
Trust more. 
Screw regrets!

We hear these words of truly sage advice and know them to ring true within our hearts, yet we still find ourselves worrying about how much we worry.

Why is it so hard to stop being so hard on ourselves? Why is it so hard to simply allow ourselves to be happy?

Pressure? Discomfort? The unknown? What if we do all the things we’ve been told to ‘do’ to be happy and yet we still find ourselves unhappy? That is why I believe so many play the lifelong chase of this elusive happiness.

In my recent bestseller, Love Yourself Happy, I write:

I know most of us are waiting for happiness. Waiting for that ‘thing’ to happen before that elusive happy shows its face. You know what I’m talking about. The ‘I’ll be happy when’ disease. I’ll be happy when I lose weight. I’ll be happy when I have more money, when I am in a relationship, when my health improves... when, when, when. 

If you’re like most of society, you’ve put your happiness on hold for what seems like an eternity because the majority of the time you’re so busy trying to achieve those things that by the time you do, you’re so freaking exhausted and mentally worn out that you forget that this is even what you wanted in the first place and had convinced yourself that it was the magic elixir to happiness. Now, you’ve discovered there’s actually something else you need that will make you happy. Phew!”

I’d like to share something with you that I find very interesting. In the most recent ‘World Happiness Report’, only about one third of the population says they are happy. Seriously! One third! That means 70% of the world is unhappy. When I really dug into this, what I came to find is that most people base their happiness (or unhappiness) on external things. And truth be told, if you’re going to put all of your ‘happy’ eggs into one basket based on something that is not secure and stable, those eggs are bound to break and you’re bound to feeling unhappy once more.

But, what if your happiness isn’t reliant on anyone or anything? What if happiness comes from one thing and one thing alone - your love for yourself?  Yes, self-love. What if you choose each and everyday to love yourself through it all? Through the ups, downs, detours and roundabouts. What if you choose to really take a deep dive within and choose to see your beauty, your power, your potential and your enough-ness. What if you choose to stop determining your worth and value based on achievements and external validation? I can tell you this - you would have a lot smoother and happier of a ride here in your life.

For today, I wanted to share 10 simple practices that you can do that will help strengthen this self-love muscle. Like anything, the more you consistently work on this, the stronger it becomes. 

10 Tips to Love Yourself Happy 

1. Accept where you are
2. Accept how you feel
3. Accept that there will be hard times
4. Pat yourself on the back
5. Do something each day that lights you up within
6. Remind yourself how far you’ve come
7. Say (at least) one loving thing to yourself every day
8. Take a risk looking silly / have more fun
9. Remember you’re human
10. Give yourself a hug (I have a self-hug practice I do 2x a day!)

Now, while these tips might seem frivolous to some, I promise you that if you choose one to focus on each day, you will begin to notice a lightness within. Perhaps even some joy rising. You see, when you’re able to create a life that feels good and you are the one responsible for it, you come to find that no matter what hardships you might journey through, what disappointments might arise, what challenges might meet you around the corner, you will always have the tools and the foundation to not only move through it, but to also love yourself through it.

This is the magic of happiness. It’s found in the lightness of your soul, the love in your heart and the peace you discover when you realize that you will always be there for you and you will always have your back!


Shari Alyse is the best selling author of the book, Love Yourself Happy. She is also a motivational speaker and self-love coach. If you’d like to work with Shari, you can find out more about her at www.ShariAlyse.com

[THE J-SPOT] Delays Do Not Mean Denials by Shari Alyse

Remember those resolutions, goals, and promises that you've made yourself ? At this point they are either really working for you or you are finding yourself starting to revert back to your old ways. Things might seem difficult, so you aren't trying as hard or you're starting to doubt yourself and maybe even thinking about giving up all together. I ask you to pause those thoughts and please continue reading.

Believe me, I know it's hard when you're working towards something and it just doesn't seem to be going your way. I know it's hard when you are giving something your all and you keep running into roadblocks.

I have a challenge for you.

What if you bought into the idea that these roadblocks are part of your journey? What if you chose to believe that everything that is happening is part of a “bigger” plan and is manifesting exactly as it's supposed to? Often times, the experiences you have along the way towards your goal are the true lessons. It is your true journey and you are exactly on the path you're supposed to be traveling upon.

When you come across what seem to be obstacles, that is your time to turn them into opportunities. It is your time to figure out just how strong you are and just how determined and flexible you really can be. Yes, it could be that ultimately that is not the direction your life will end up in, but instead of beating yourself up over it, figure out the lessons that it is trying to teach you and become stronger because of it. Then there is NO way that could ever be a mistake or the “wrong” direction.

Trust that everything you come across, every person, every situation, every “obstacle” is there FOR you. Trust that the Universe has your back and it is just prepping you until you are fully ready to take on, embrace, and embody your dream! I mean, let's be honest here, the more you work for something, when you do finally get it, the receiving of it is a whole lot sweeter!

And another thing: Stop listening to others tell you why your dreams aren't possible. That might simply be because they have given up on their own. Or perhaps, if given your situation, they might have acted differently based on their experience. However, this is your experience. You know your own truth. They have theirs. That voice inside of you is always speaking to you and you know when it is time to let something go and simply move on. But don't for one second allow yourself to be fooled into thinking that time is reason enough to throw in the towel.

Delays do NOT mean denials.

If your heart tells you that you're done with something, then by all means, let it go. But do not mistakenly think that the universe works in your time. It works when it knows that it is ready, and most importantly, that you are.

Every thing, every moment, every person and every experience is unfolding in its own divine way and its own divine time creating the most perfect and unique journey custom made for you. Stop trying to rush each moment, because when you finally get there, you'll come to find out that wasn't what you expected either and you'll be ready to move on to the next. Right now is more beautiful than what is coming down the road; right now is all you have. Why not make this moment the most beautiful and magical moment you can! I mean, you did create it. Why not enjoy it?

Are there some things in your life that you are getting frustrated with because it's not happening when you want it to? Do you think that perhaps you can just keep feeding it love, patience, and faith, and allow it to unfold in its own time? If you did truly have faith that all of your dreams were presently in the process of being created, would you be able to enjoy your life a lot more? Well, perhaps it's time to start believing they were and really start living! Starting now make this year the year of magic and miracles!


Shari Alyse is the Joy Magnet, a Motivational Speaker, Truth Coach, Author of LOVE YOURSELF HAPPY, Co-Founder of The Wellness Universe and host of The J-Spot on Conversations Radio Network. Shari's mission in this world is to have you awaken to YOU. To your beauty, your magnificence and your inner joy! Shari currently lives in Los Angeles with her long-term partner, John, and their cats, Hershey and Piper. http://www.ShariAlyse.com

[The J-Spot] 3 Simple Things You Can Do To Change The World

by Shari Alyse 

Every single one of us is fighting some sort of battle in our lives. Whether it’s with another person, within our own hearts, or just within a situation in our lives. With that said, I believe that if we all just offered one another some basic human kindness, there would be a lot less fighting and a lot more love.

 With that in mind I'm sharing 3 easy things you can do that truly can a cause a ripple of love on this planet.

1.     Be more compassionate.  

The important thing to remember about compassion is that it’s not just about feeling sorry for another person. It’s about doing something that can help relieve somebody’s suffering. It’s not about taking pity on someone, but rather allowing that emotional stirring within you to motivate you to take action. Even if that action is simply offering understanding, kindness, and a prayer. When we can have compassion for others, ultimately, it brings us all together and allows us to recognize that we all are truly ONE.

 2.  Be more patient. 

 In this technological age, everybody is so used to getting what they want within one touch of a button, that we forget that humans aren’t machines. We can’t expect one another to just get over something within an instant, or do what we want as soon as we desire it, or for people to even be who we want them to be because we need something from them right then and there. When we realize that we all have stuff that we are working through and that we wouldn’t want someone to rush us through our emotions, then we can gift others the same patience and respect that we would want.  Allow people their own time and their own space to process their own lives, so that eventually they can show up in the world happy with who they are. Pay attention to your life and allow others to pay attention to theirs. Be patient not only with others, but especially with yourself.

3.  Be more understanding. 

 I invite you to listen to someone and try to understand where they are coming from even if they might not be handling it in the best of ways. By sitting in the space of stillness and allowing someone to share their hearts openly and without judgement, we are able to really SEE where they are coming from. This in turn, would help us to be able to forgive easier, love easier, and respond more kindly. I know it’s difficult at times when someone isn’t being the nicest to you, however, if we just take the time to understand that perhaps there is something that is going on in their lives that is making them a bit edgier, angrier, or short-tempered. There isn’t one of us that hasn’t reacted poorly in a situation and all we wanted was for someone to just let us off the hook by understanding us a just a little bit more.

 At the end of the day, we all desire love and some of us just don’t know how to simply say that we are hurting,  that we are needing to feel loved, we are feeling ignored , or that we could really use a hug. Because we all don’t know how to express our needs clearly,  sometimes we end up acting out in ways that aren’t always so “enlightened” because we are disappointed and frustrated that we aren’t getting what we need. Every one of us has gone through some challenging times and all we have wanted is someone there to be more compassionate, more patient, and more understanding.

Let’s try to do that with one another and you will see how what you put out there comes right back to you. This world can be tough at times from things outside of our control, but what is in our control, is the way we treat and love others. I believe it’s time we start acting like the loving beings that we really are. If we can do this,  there will be a lot more joyful and loving people on our planet and we truly can change the world.