"Relationship Tips From GOOD GRAVY" by Will and Odette Hooks

From their relationship self help book, Good Gravy, married co-authors, Life and Business Coaches and Inspirational Speakers, Will and Odette Hooks offer tips you can use in your relationship to keep the fire burning or to start the fire.

Chapter 1  RELATIONSHIP

Tip1:  Communication – Effective communication is a must have component to having a strong and healthy relationship.  How you communicate with one another is important to how the outcome of the conversation will turn out.

Will: Most men dread hearing these heart wrenching words “We need to talk” it usually means something’s wrong or that we’ve screwed something up in a major way. This is especially true when effective and controlled communication is not a strong point of the relationship.  Contrary to popular opinion; idle talk is not communicating, nor is casually suggesting how you feel to your partner which is more like beating around the bush.  Having a shouting match with your mate then tarring into an out of control tirade is certainly not communicating.  Effective communication within a relationship must be a deliberate and thoughtful exercise. Incorporating healthy communication into a relationship serve only to broaden, heal, and strengthen the overall relationship.  

Odette:  In a relationship we, women, have a tendency to talk too much, nag, or yell and scream.  This makes it a little difficult for the woman who truly wants to have an intellectual conversation to help dissolve the problem or problems.  We must learn to listen and talk to our mate and not at him.

Tip 2:  Respect – Respect within a relationship is of vital importance whereas each individual has a right to their own opinion and point of view.  Though a couple may not always agree on every issue, the presence of respect allows for understanding. One must consider a person’s time, feelings and needs as important enough to render the highest level of respect for their partner. We need to respect each other on a daily basis.  Women really need to respect their man especially during a disagreement.

Will: The scenario of two opposing genders coming together in creating a relationship strongly suggests that in order for the relationship to be a success compromise must be an essential element.  There will undoubtedly be moments of disagreement in any relationship.  Respect for the opinion and view of another as well as their right to have a differing perspective is very important.

Odette:  In general, as women I don’t know if we simply don’t realize how we talk to our mate when we are upset, mad and/or frustrated.  We talk down to talk to them like they are a child and not the man we fell in love with.  Being that a man likes to feel like a man from his woman, if he is not receiving it he will find it elsewhere.

Chapter 2  SINGLE

Tip1:  Enjoy it! - Being single too long seems to be looked at as  taboo for women.  This should be a time for a man or a woman to really get to know more about self.

Will: What can you say?  The single life is a golden opportunity of self-discovery. To sample all that life has to offer in order to make a sound choice of which path ones life will take.

Odette:  Women seem to be in a rush to get married but I challenge each and every single woman out there to get to know herself and truly fall in love with you. You are special in every way but you have got to know that before you can expect anyone else to discover you’re special.

Tip 2:  You can do bad all by yourself  - A person should always desire to be with someone that helps to “Brings the best out of them” The idea of being in a relationship with someone that brings nothing good to the table or takes away from the relationship far more than they contribute; makes no sense at all.

Will:   Any relationship that takes away from a person their peace, vitality, joys and enthusiasm for life is only worth letting go. Two are better than one; therefore the idea of a relationship should uplift, inspire, and embolden a person’s individual strengths.

Odette:  My mother use to tell me this one all the time about life and I took it and applied it to relationships.  A man had to bring something to the table other than lies, false promises and the ability to make things convenient be the reason why things don’t work out for him all the time.

Chapter 3  FRIENDSHIP

Tip1:  Back Door Entrance (Get to really know each other) - As just friends you will open up much faster and share your dreams, goals, hopes, desire, hurts, pains, etc… than you ever would having met out of the blue and started dating.

Will:   I would describe friendship as a painless way of building a relationship.  Knowing a person from the aspect of a friend greatly minimizes the impact of the unknown issues relating to dating out of the blue.

Odette:  For those of you who are already in a relationship and believe you have missed the friendship stage I challenge you to learn how to each other’s friend.  You will learn so much about one another.

Tip 2:  The Friend Zone - Don’t get stuck in the “Friend Zone” its hard to get out, but not impossible.

Will:  If the friendship is true, one should take advantage of this position and communicate the feelings they hold in their heart.

Odette:  As a woman, I waited until Will showed a definite attraction to me before I took the step to tell him how I feel.

Chapter 4  DATING

Tip1:  Law of Attraction – What you put out comes right back; good or bad. 

Will:  In the mind of a man there are only two types of women; ‘Take home” and ‘Take home to Mom’  which category a woman falls in totally depends on what she’s putting out.   This will determine what type of man will approach her and what approach he will use.

Odette:  Ladies you believe in your heart that every relationship you enter into will be like all the rest; then that is exactly what type of relationship you will get.  You must know that the next relationship will be the best relationship.  Or, the relationship you are in will get better each and every day.

Tip 2:  A Fool in Love - It’s amazing what someone in love will do for a person that does not love them back.

Will: If a person’s relationship is requiring that they abandon common sense on a consistently reoccurring basis that’s a fool in love.  Taking care of a full grown individual who is fully capable of doing for themselves is foolish.

Odette:  Ladies, please wake up. Stop putting yourself in the position of finding yourself in a relationship with a man that you take care of all the time, lie for and/or even go to jail for the sake of “your man.” 

Chapter 5  MARRIAGE

Tip1: Keep the music playing - Don’t lose sight of the most important part of the relationship; ‘Your Love’.  Compliments, little things mean a lot, date again, time well spent, etc…

Will:  Somewhere in the course of marriage there is a shift the relationship seems to move away from the gestures and the excitement that got the ball rolling in the first place.  This happens deliberately and therefore there must be determination to always hang on to essence of what caused love to bloom.

Odette:  Woman, show your man your love for him a little differently.  Run his bath water sometimes, give him a massage, and tell him all the good things he is to you.  Men may not be as nearly as emotional as we are but there still have emotions.

Tip 2:  Outside Influences - They ruin the best relationships.

Will:   One of the major influences on any relationship is family and friends, but at the end of the day the relationship is with the person only and not the extension of the person.  That time will come.

Odette:  Stop listening to your girlfriends about your relationship and I would even go a step further.  Stop allowing your family into your relationship between you and your mate.  They can mean well but they can also be detrimental to your relationship.

Chapter 6  ABUSE

Tip1:  Love - learn and understand what love truly is.  Abuse is NOT LOVE! 

Will: I find it hard to believe that a person can quickly identify abuse when it is directed toward an animal or a child but will somehow rationalize the abuse they suffer as love.

Odette:  I believe the root of all abuse lies with the person being abused.  The person being abused has the control to stop the abuse by removing themselves from the situation.

Tip 2:  Safeguard & Security - Safety is the first and best key in avoiding becoming a victim of violence.

Will:  When dating someone you know nothing about, personal safety should always be the utmost thought in a person's mind.   A person should never allow themselves to be put in a situation that takes away their control.

Odette:  Women stop leaving the bar/club with a man you do not know and going to his house.  Do you know how many things could go wrong?  

Find out more about the book GOOD GRAVY and its authors Will and Odette Hooks at www.willandodette.com.