(Mary's Motivational Message) Holding On At All Costs

Recently I found myself reflecting on how many of us hold on at all costs.

-          We hold on to fear

-          We hold on to regret

-          We hold on to anger

-          We hold on to unhappiness

-          We hold on to a broken heart

-          We hold on to childhood pain

-          We hold on to unfulfilled expectations

-          We hold on to unhealthy relationships

-          We hold on to hopelessness

-          We hold on to a job that’s suffocating us emotionally and physically. 

-          We hold on to what keeps us from being the best version of who we are and who we have the potential to evolve into.

This is damaging because we are only here for a moment.  And those words became relevant to me several years ago while sitting in my car and hearing a baby in the vehicle next to mine crying. It was within that moment, I realized our replacements are arriving continuously.

GOD is granting unlimited opportunity for this experience/visit called life to be available to the masses. And with that said, at this very moment ask yourself, “Am I making the most out of my visit?” Are you letting go so that you can hear the direction and plan God has for your life.

I believe that the greatest gift you can bestow upon yourself is to set aside time to simply LET GO and create a space you can retreat to. A special spot that will move you to connect with the direction and assignment you were sent here to fulfill. I knew at an early age that I had been sent here to live my life out as a writer.

I wear numerous hats but being a writer is my assignment and if I had departed from here without fulfilling Gods instruction, there would have been major regret.

For those of you who have not connected with your assignment, set aside time to sit in solitude and listen for His direction. And for those who know without doubt your assignment, move towards it. Doesn’t matter if others support or encourage you, just stay focused.  It takes COURAGE to shift when you feel comfortable, it takes FAITH to shift when you have normalized being unfulfilled.

Trust me when I say that if you can find the courage to make a shift, doors will explode open and opportunity will present itself. Just LET GO OF ALL THAT IS WEIGHING YOU DOWN and trust that there is a POWER and a profound purpose housed in your birth. Let go and embrace all that is meant for you!!!

LOVE, PEACE and JOY,  

Mary E. Gilder

Mary E. Gilder is the author of the award winning novel, A Misrepresentation of Myself, and her latest release, Even a Man Can Have a Broken Heart. You can contact mary at: bookclubs.maryegilder@yahoo.com or visit her website at www.marygilder.com

There Is Power Housed In Surrendering

by Mary E. Gilder

As I sit in my home office preparing for the launch of my second EVEN A MAN CAN HAVE A BROKEN HEART I began to reflect on my favorite topic: LOVE.

My thoughts lead me to think about how as a Society we are driven by who has what, what IT cost, where IT was purchased, can I purchase IT, how can I forever preserve IT and since I don't have IT I must be  lacking!!! Even if to others we appear to have everything, sometimes it never seems to be enough.

Recently, I moved from one residence to another and that move prompted me to lighten my load. Initially, the thought of letting go of the possessions I had not utilized in years was difficult for me to process, but once I let go of the boxes upon boxes---upon boxes---of 'stuff', it was healing. I say healing because my journey felt lighter. Of the many items I donated, I can't recall 80% of what I once viewed as sacred treasures.

Numerous donations were given to a local Shelter and days later when I returned, I observed residents wearing some of the items I donated. My heart rejoiced.

Once I let go of my attachment to the excess, my heart was more open to focus on what was truly important; which for me is LOVE and the relationships within my life. Did you know that there is a POWER housed in surrendering?

My advice to you as we transition into my favorite season, lighten your load, let go of the excess and focus on all the represents true wealth. For me it's represented in family, friends and maintaining a strong foundation built on LOVE.

Love, Peace and Endless Joy,  

Mary E. Gilder is the author of the recently released non-fiction title Even a Man can Have a Broken Heart and the award winning novel, A Misrepresentation of Myself.  Mary is available for book signings and speaking engagements. Contact her at: bookclubs.maryegilder@yahoo.com or visit her website at: www.marygilder.com. 

[Mary's Motivational Message] Celebrating Fatherhood

Who says Father's Day is something to be celebrated once a year?

With fatherhood everyday is an opportunity to be exposed to millions of valuable life lessons/challenges and teachings that provide insight. I would like to set aside this time to share a few examples that have inspired me.

Example 1: The reality of Dads and who they are:
So often we hear and read about the men who are not being good providers, good role models and leaders for their children and families. We have all heard the reports of those men who have walked away from their families and have just detached from their responsibilities. Well I’m here this morning to tell you that the painting is not a true reflection of the entire portraits depth.  The reality is that those who do step up outweigh those who don’t. The majority of fathers are proudly standing on the front line each and every day for their families, while being the constant protector.
- They are working extremely hard to ensure that shelter is provided and warm food is on the table
- They are inspiring their daughters, encouraging their sons while being emotionally supportive of their wife or significant other
- So many of you beautiful DADS make sacrifices so that your families will have.

My mom once shared with me how my maternal grandfather, who was a proud City Employee,  so often to prolong the purchasing of new work boots, would wrap his torn work boots with duck tape because he felt that the money would be better utilized within the family home.

So many Dads are the constant protector. Many times when we think their reading the news paper or guarding the remote control, numerous DADS are actually thinking about, “Is my wife ok? Are my children alright? Will the bills be paid this month? Are there enough groceries in the cupboards? Am I doing all that I need to do? Am I being the husband and provider GOD has ordered me to be?" Not the minority but the majority of men love, cherish and adore their children beyond what we could ever imagine.

Example 2: Pertains to never giving up on your relationship with your children:
One year ago, a dad was sharing with me, his frustration with his daughter.  Years prior there had been words pertaining to him being absent from her life when she was a young child. And as a result, they had not spoken in some time. Whatever advice or suggestions I provided, he remained hopeless and bitter. How many of you DADS are filling a void because there is a rift with your child?  How many know a DAD who is facing various challenges with their child and is consumed with guilt.  Well, I’m here to say that:
- It’s never to late to transform your relationship with your child
- There are some things you can give up on but never give up on cultivating a positive relationship with your child
- God has the power  with blink of an eye lid to  bring about a healing and a understanding
- Fight for renewal in your relationship with your child and remember that through GOD all things are possible

Example 3: Pertains to Having No Regrets:
 Many of you like myself, had to say good-by to our DAD much too soon. At least you feel that it was too soon. Five years ago my father went in for an outpatient surgery and passed away on the operating table. We had shared a conversation the day before laughing, gossiping, just having a great time. His last words to me were, “sweetie, Daddy will talk to you tomorrow” but that never came.

I find it difficult searching for Father’s Day cards and not purchasing one for my dad. I miss him so much. I’m so thrilled that whatever we needed to address we did. He knew how I felt and I knew his heart as it pertained to me.

A reminder for you: this journey called life is so very short and because we are only here for moment, you don’t have a life time to re event your child. And children you don’t have a lifetime to re-invent your DAD. All you have is this moment. Enjoy your DAD, love your DAD, and cherish your DAD.

When was the last time you said Dad I love you, Dad I appreciate you, thank you Dad just because. Well, no better time than today, to get some pep in your step and spoil your daddy.  And as you journey through your life spread the love around, extending appreciation to the various Dads that you come into contact with.

And to all of you Dads out there standing on the front line 24/7 for your families, we see you, we honor you, we love you and we want you to know, that even though we set aside this day to treat you like a king and shower you with love, within our hearts we know, and acknowledge that Father’s Day is every day.

In closing, Happy Father’s day to the Father’s, God Fathers, Grandfathers, Uncles, Brothers, and Mentors. Many of you wear many hats and we love you for it, never forget that.
Love, Peace and Joy,                                                                                                                                        Mary

Mary E. Gilder is the author of the award winning novel, A Misrepresentation of Myself. And her soon to be sophomore release, Even a Man Can Have a Broken Heart. In addition Mary is available for speaking engagements. She can be contacted at meg@maryegilder.com or bookclubs.maryegilder@yahoo.com. 

Mary's Motivational Message: Miss Rowe

Recently, a friend and I were engaged in intriguing conversation surrounding our years in grade school. Enthusiastically, I shared sweet memories regarding one of my favorite teachers Miss. Rowe.

I shared how Miss. Rowe was beyond beautiful.  I recall her being 25-years of age. She had long blond hair, green eyes (I think they were green), a body like Beyonce and skin the color of bronze. And if that wasn’t enough, our classroom was scented with her favorite perfumes; she had this sweet southern drawl similar to Delta Burkes on the television show, “designing women.”

I would like to note: I’m not suggesting that being blond made her beautiful…the fact of the matter is Miss. Rowe was simply a beautiful woman.

Anyways, like most grade school classrooms there were challenging students but Miss. Rowe had a way about her that was very non-traditional. She utilized a lot of positive re enforcement techniques; never raising her voice or succumbing to the use of idle threats.

It was there in her classroom that I was introduced to my lifelong favorite book, “Where the Wild Things Are.”  She read that book to us every week and each time felt like the first. In addition, Miss. Rowe would bring in homemade cupcakes, pies and cookies just because. And we were rewarded with candy and gold stars for performing exceptionally well.

As I continued to reminisce about my season with Miss. Rowe, what stood out most was how one weekend per month she would bring me and three fellow class mates to her home for a weekend celebration. I believe this adventure started as a trip to the Circus or Disney on Ice; a reward for our good behavior.  All parents agreed to allow us to participate in the sleep over for added celebration.

Her life style was a reflection of her being a beautiful single woman in the 1970’s; a charming two bedroom condo with a view, a sexy car, a oversized swimming pool and plenty of space for us girls to have a ball. We would indulge in pizza, hamburgers, or tacos for dinner and snack on popcorn, candy and ice cream while watching The Brady Bunch, The Partridge Family and various other 70’s favorites. The very next morning, Miss. Rowe would make Pancakes, Waffles or French toast; no cold cereal or oatmeal for her girls.

After a hearty breakfast we would swim in her pool or go to the park. She devoted every moment to us (reading to us, board games, painting, coloring…etc). Miss. Rowe treated every one of us like PRINCESES. That scenario was played out one weekend each month for an entire year. Going to her home for me was equivalent to being at Disneyland.

As I grew into womanhood, I found myself asking, “Why did she give back on such a profound level?” I have pondered over numerous responses which have yielded no solid conclusion.

All four students were raised in the suburbs not the inner city; upper middle class families. All four girls represented various ethnicities. I don’t feel as though Miss. Rowe believed she was somehow saving us from deprivation or exposing us to experiences that were inaccessible. Perhaps, just perhaps, she did all that she could do and gave all that she could give simply because she loved her students!!!

It is my hope that one day in the near future to reconnect with Miss. Rowe and let her know that the gifts she extended to those four little girls had an impact far beyond what she could have imagined. The love she extended is stored in a special “safe” within my heart. I like so many others am forever grateful that GOD blessed our fourth grade class with an ANGEL.

Love, Peace and Endless Joy,                                                                                                                                                    Author-Mary E. Gilder

Mary E. Gilder is the author of the award winning novel, “A Misrepresentation of Myself.  And her soon to be sophomore release, “Even a Man Can Have a Broken Heart.”  In addition, Mary Gilder is available for speaking engagements. She can be contacted at bookclubs.maryegilder@yahoo.com or at meg@maryegilder.com. Also, visit her website at www.maryegilder.com.  

[Mary's Motivational Message] Girl Friend Appreciation Month

There is a beautiful foundation of love and power that exist in women extending support to each other. 

When I hear women speak in a negative tone about our inability as women to maintain healthy, trusting and loving friendships I cringe. How many times have you heard these perspectives stated as facts: You can't trust women, you are just better off keeping to yourself, all women do is gossip and keep up foolishness and if they are being nice they must want something.

Sadly, so many of us (Men and Women) have embraced and given life to the many negative images attached to women. Well, let me tell you about the beautiful women GOD has placed within my life: They represent various cultures and ethnicity's and they are full of LIFE. They love me and I them. They encourage me; motivate me and extend to me their wisdom. As a collective force we hold each other up…24/7.  We don't always agree but we agree to disagree. Most importantly, we have learned valuable life lessons from each other.

 Within my circle and it’s rather large, relationships have existed for over fifteen years and several since high school. And when we met there was one common denominator, there was this instant connection. There was no doubt or fear; a level of comfort existed. Have you ever met someone and immediately you felt as though you had known them for a lifetime? I believe in "SOUL MATE FRIENDS". What I'm saying to you is, there has been no conflict, and no drama and no disrespect…just LOVE.

If you and the women in your life constantly: Argue, gossip, fight, disrespect each other, lack trust, dwell in utter confusion, envy each other and display jealousy and this is reflected in all of your relationships; stop blaming and ask yourself, "why am I attracting such dysfunction" and why am I maintaining it within my life."
For those of you blessed with beautiful friends understand that this is a blessing and let them know how much you LOVE and APPRECIATE them. It is GOD'S expectation that we treat each other with LOVE, KINDNESS and RESPECT. I strongly hold the belief that we learn our greatest life lessons from each other while being an example of HIS LOVE.

I know that you are extremely busy however as you journey through this special month set aside time to reflect on the special women placed within your life. And as you reflect, find your phone book and dust it off or send a text message or perhaps an email.  How you chose to connect is not important, just commit to making the connections happen. Tomorrow is not promised and with that truth in mind, stay connected with the special women GOD has placed within your life.

Enjoy this very special month,                                                                                                       
Love, Peace and Joy,

Mary


Author Mary E. Gilder is the author of the award winning novel, A Misrepresentation of Myself and her upcoming release, Even a Man can Have a Broken Heart. Mary is available for speaking engagements and can be contacted at bookclubs.maryegilder@yahoo.com or at meg@maryegilder.com. Visit her website at: www.maryegilder.com 

Mary's Motivational Message: Stay Focused

Have you ever experienced a situation that left you mesmerized? Well, you are going to be blown away at how GOD reached out and delivered a message to me several weeks ago.

Many of my readers already know that my earthly assignment is that of a writer. I connected with my assignment in the seventh grade. However, recently I was contracted to work with our Vets and I was honored to do so. This short assignment required that I make a major shift within my life; relocating temporarily from family, friends, commitments and my community.

I had numerous reservations but I knew without doubt I was called for this short assignment. Every obstacle that presented was resolved. The path was cleared and all I had to do was get my business in order, pack my bags and obey.

Weeks after settling in, I found myself overwhelmed and perplexed. I knew that I was where I was supposed to be yet; I continued to host a heaviness. And the heaviness engulfed me as I dined at one of my favorite eateries weeks ago. On this day in particular, the eatery was extremely crowded and as I sat indulging, from a distance my eyes settled in on an older woman in her Sunday best. This older woman appeared to be heading in my direction.

As our separation slowly minimized, I found myself questioning the connection. Was she an acquaintance of my mom, god mother, grandmother or my Aunt Carol? She appeared to be in her eighties or early nineties and she was beyond beautiful. As she approached my table she smiled with the grace of a Queen as she stated, “Hi baby. Do you have kinfolk in Texas or Louisiana”? I responded, “Yes. My Grandmother is from Louisiana.” And, she replied, “You look just like my kinfolk.”  We shared a moment of awkward silence then she said with a heartwarming smile, “You have a beautiful day.” I replied, “Thank you.” I watched intensely as she slowly walked away towards the buffets exit.

As I reacquainted myself with my meal, I was startled by an indescribable feeling. I glanced up to find her…the beautiful older woman standing in front of my table. Her welcoming smile was gone and replaced by a no nonsense stare as she looked deeply into my eyes and gifted me with this message, “Stay focused. It is important that you stay focused.” After delivering the message she simply turned and walked away.

I don’t know where she came from but without doubt, I have come to understand that she was sent to deliver the words I needed to hear. Just like I need Food, Water and Shelter; I needed to hear those words.
As you continue to journey through your life, never forget that GOD has a plan for you.  Regardless, of what life throws your way, find reassurance in knowing that if need be, God will send one of HIS representatives to simply remind you of the importance of staying focused.

Love, Peace and Continuous Joy,                                                                                                                                                                             Mary E. Gilder

Mary E. Gilder is the author of the award winning novel, A Misrepresentation of Myself and the soon to be released, Even a Man Can Have a Broken Heart.  Visit her website at www.maryegilder.com or contact her at bookclubs.maryegilder.com, meg@maryegilder.com or on face book. Author Mary E. Gilder is also available for speaking engagements.                     

MARY'S MOTIVATIONAL MESSAGE

                                  THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE UP UNTIL THIS MOMENT

I want you to think about your life up to 11:59 pm last night. What was weighing heavy on your heart? Was it your finances, health challenges, difficult relationships, employment issues, politics, the economy, marital difficulties; what was weighing you down?

Now, reflect on your life at this very moment, close your eyes and reflect on your life. Who are you angry with or whom did you have a rift with. Is there unfinished business with your spouse, your child, your parents, a friend, a sibling, a neighbor, co-workers or are you simply in conflict with yourself.

 What are your regrets: Failing to address your goals, not exploring your passions, failing to set aside time for family or friends. Perhaps, regrets due to wasted years abusing drugs, sex and alcohol; or years wasted being abusive towards others.

Perhaps, you regret not investing time in cultivating Love, Joy and Peace within your life. Many regret not putting value into developing a healthy relationship with GOD.

For many it is so very easy to say, “Live each day as though it where your last.” How many times have we encouraged, instructed or pleaded with others to treasure each and every moment. And for many such as myself, it has been told to us by individuals on their death bed.

Now let’s play it forward. It’s Monday morning and you are notified that this will be your last week here on earth. Your stay has come to an end because others are being born to leave their mark and create their legacy. Did you forget that your journey was simply a short visit? What would you do…What are you going to do?

-          What would be weighing on your heart?

-          Who would be weighing on your heart and what words will you convey to them?

-          What anger would you continue to harbor?

-          What anger would you release?

-          Who would you make peace with?

Oh the places you would journey too and the people you would make time to see. I’m sure that you would make a pack with yourself to treasure and embrace that week. Perhaps, wishing deep within your soul there was more time. I’m certain that you would live that week with few regrets but most importantly, you would let go of every stressor and negative thought and cling to LOVE. Within that moment you would align with LOVE and you would treasure all that is dear to you; while wishing you had “more time” to make things right.

If you awoke this morning, you have been granted just that; additional time. What are you going to do with your additional time? If you do nothing else…embrace it, celebrate it and cling to it. And treasure not only this day but live each and every day as though it were your last.

Love, Peace and Endless Joy,                                                                                                                                                                                   

Mary E. Gilder

Mary E. Gilder is the author of the award winning novel, “A Misrepresentation of Myself.” Mary can be contacted at: meg@maryegilder.com or bookclubs.maryegilder@yahoo.com. Also, visit her website at: maryegilder.com

Are You Experiencing the Back to School Blues?

Initially, my message was aimed at the folks ages eighteen to thirty. I soon realized that the faces of today’s college students extend beyond that range; what a blessing.

As you prepare for the upcoming school year, you will be faced with challenges and many may appear to be more taxing than they actually are.

My goal is to provide you with tools that are aimed to empower. Several students’ emailed questions and I will share with you my responses to a selected few:

I will be attending a large university, what if I’m overwhelmed by the campus size: To lesson possible anxiety, sign up for a college tour, make several visits to the campus ahead of time, route out your classes and get acquainted with the college grounds prior to your first day of class.

I’m not sure if I can do this. I may not be intelligent enough: Stop the self doubt. You would not be on that campus if you could not cut it. Brilliance is born every day and it does not have a pre selected zip code. You did the work and earned the right to be on that campus. Believe in your greatness.

I’m attending college out of state, I don’t know anyone: I can recall my first day of Grad School. I was nervous and as soon as I entered my first class, a young lady with the most beautiful smile came up to me and stated, “Hi, I’m Adrienne.” She and I continue to share a beautiful friendship. Trust that GOD will place the “right” folks within your life. Also, you will be placed in situations that will force you to connect with others (special projects, study groups, work study programs, social organization…etc).

I’ve always had problems with setting aside time for my studies: It’s about creating a “FINE BALANCE”. Setting aside time for studies must become a priority. Achieving this may require that you let go of some of your prized extracurricular activities but you will adjust. That time will be filled with the educational investment you are making in yourself.

I’m in my forties and returning to school after a long absence. What if I become frustrated, unsure and overwhelmed: First, accept the reality that at times you will feel frustrated, unsure and overwhelmed. To feel those emotions is perfectly normal.

• Arm yourself with a strong support system

• Utilize Campus supports (Counselors, tutoring services, therapeutic services to assist in the processing of feelings and to aid in the development of coping skills if needed)

• Post affirmations reminding yourself that you are deserving and have within you the capacity to achieve greatness

Will I have professors who are sensitive to my needs and how can I ensure that my needs are met: First and foremost, it is vital that the expectations are understood. In addition, they should be outlined in the class syllabus. If you do not understand the expectations, meet with your professors; their office hours should be posted. I must note that even if you understand what is expected; meet with your professors anyway. Trust me when I state my professors knew Mary E. Gilder. They knew that I was dedicated and serious about my education. Building a positive relationship with your professors will pay off tremendously.

Please provide tips for organizing myself:

• A Large wall calendar
• A Planner for the entire school year
• An organizer. Organize materials by class
• Find a special spot that is soothing and will nurture your creative flow. Retreat to that location when you need to work on projects or relax your mind
• Most importantly, accept that this is your way of life for the next Semester. Take it one day at a time. Make it fun and embrace this great journey

Remember, if those who came before you rose to the occasion, so will you. Regardless, of your age, this is an amazing adventure. As you stroll across that campus lawn and pave the pavement, never forget that this is not for nothing. And for the more seasoned students, the forty over club, stop feeling as though you are too old. It’s never too late to go out and claim your goals. If self doubt should creep in, tell yourself, “I can do this, I can do this.” Post affirmations and have your cheer leaders because you will need them; we all need cheer leaders.

Finally, when your work load is outrages and you wonder if it’s all worth it, visualize your family and friends cheering in the stands as that Degree is placed in your hands. And the pride you will feel in knowing that you have found within in you the courage to step out on FAITH and claim your destiny.

Love, Peace and endless Joy, Mary E. Gilder

Mary E. Gilder is the author of the award winning novel, A Misrepresentation of Myself. You can contact her at bookclubs.maryegilder@yahoo.com or meg@maryegilder.com. Also visit her website at maryegilder.com. 

Mary's Motivational Message: ONLY A FEW PEOPLE ACTUALLY CARE

Last week while posting on Face Book, I came across the “wisdom” posted below.

“Be careful who you open up to, only a few people actually care. The rest just want to have something to gossip about.”

I was surprised by the number of individuals who responded in agreement.

For the record, I was offended because without doubt, I know that Satan wants the masses to believe that only a “FEW” people care. In fact, it is in His best interest that the world holds this belief. He wants you to feel as though your existence only matters to a FEW, He wants you to internalize that only a FEW are capable of loving you and celebrating the person you are, He wants you to believe that if you departed from this earth today only a FEW would miss you, He wants you to believe that your existence has had no positive impact on the lives of others.

However, that is not GOD’S perspective. It is GOD’S expectation that we love, respect and cherish each other. It is GOD’S expectation that we engage in fellowship. It is GOD’S will that we support and encourage each other. Did you know that we learn our greatest life lessons from each other, while being an example of “His Love”?

If you are currently attracting individuals who are wearing a mask, ask yourself, “Why am I maintaining dysfunction within my life?” Life is just too short for nonsense. It might be in your best interest to start issuing pink slips.

At times it may appear that Satan is in control and that only a FEW care. Every day many take their lives, believing that they didn’t matter and that only a FEW cared about their existence.

Never forget that GOD CARES and the fact that HE does, should comfort your soul. HE is all powerful and has instructed us to be a reflection of HIS love. Trust that your EXISTENCE matters and we must all STRIVE towards surrounding ourselves with individuals who truly love us because so many do.

Also, as you judge others, hold yourself to the same level of expectation. Start by asking yourself today, “Am I being the gossiper or am I showing those within my life that I love them and truly care about their existence.”

I’m thrilled that we are all simply a work in progress.

Love, Peace and continuous Joy, Mary

Mary E. Gilder is the author if the award winning novel, “A Misrepresentation of Myself.” Mary can be contacted at: meg@maryegilder.com or bookclubs.maryegilder@yahoo.com . Also, visit her website at: maryegilder.com

Mary's Motivational Message: Celebrating Girl Friends

GIRL FRIENDS MONTH: Very few things annoy me, however, when I hear women speak in negativity about our inability as women to have healthy and loving friendships I cringe. How many times have you heard these perspectives stated as facts: "You can't trust any women, you are just better off keeping to yourself, all women do is gossip and keep up foolishness, if they are being nice they must want something, women=drama, drama and more drama."

Well, let me tell you about the beautiful women GOD has placed within my life: They represent various cultures and ethnicity's and they are extremely positive. Even when they did not have children, they provided mine two girls with love, encouragement and support. They love me and I them, they encourage me, they motivate me and they extend to me their wisdom. As a collective force we hold each other up, we have learned valuable life lessons from each other, we display the utmost respect for each other, we don't always agree but we agree to disagree and they have integrity.

Many of the wonderful women within my circle have been in my life for over twenty years; several sense high school. And when we met there was one common denominator, there was this instant connection. There was no doubt or fear. There was this level of comfort. Have you ever met someone and immediately you felt as though you had known them for a lifetime?...I believe in "SOUL MATE FRIENDS". What I'm saying to you is, there has been no conflict, no drama and no disrespect..just LOVE. If you and the women in your life constantly: Argue, gossip, fight, disrespect each other, lack trust, dwell in utter confusion, envy each other and display jealousy and this is reflected in all of your relationships; stop blaming and ask yourself, "why am I attracting such dysfunction" and why am I maintaining it within my life." Time to start issuing pink slips because life is just too short for non-sense.

For those of you blessed with beautiful friends, let them know how much you LOVE and APPRECIATE them. For it is GOD'S expectation that we  treat each other with LOVE, KINDNESS and RESPECT. I believe that we learn our greatest life lessons from each other while being an example of GOD'S LOVE.

 As you journey through yet another month, set aside time to reflect on the special women GOD has placed within your life and how their presence energizes your SOUL. Enjoy this very special month as you celebrate your girls!!!


Love, Peace and Joy,

MEG
Mary E. Gilder-author of, A Misrepresentation of Myself
Visit her website at: www.maryegilder.com

Mary's Motivational Message: Celebrating Father's Day Every Day

The month of June is a beautiful month because it is during this month we set aside time to honor DAD.   

I do believe that with fatherhood comes an opportunity to be exposed to millions of valuable life lessons, life challenges and teachings that provide insight. I would like to set aside a moment to share a few examples that have inspired me throughout the years.

Example 1: The reality of Dads and who they are:

So often we hear and read about the men who are not being good providers or good role models for their children and families. We have all heard the reports of those men who have walked away from their families and have just detached from their responsibilities. Well, trust me when I state that the painting is not a true reflection of the entire portraits depth.  The reality is that those Dad’s who do step up outweigh those who don’t. The majority of fathers are proudly standing on the frontline each and every day for their families, while being the constant protector.

-          They are working extremely hard to ensure that shelter is provided and warm food is on the table.

-          They are inspiring their daughters, encouraging their sons while being emotionally supportive of their wife or significant other.

-          So many of you beautiful DADS make various sacrifices so that your families will have what it is they need to thrive.

My mom once shared with me how my maternal grandfather, who was a proud City Employee,  so often to prolong the purchasing of new work boots, would wrap his torn work boots with duck tap because he felt that the money would be better utilized within the family home.

-          So many Dads are the constant protector. Many times when we think they’re reading the news paper or guarding the remote control, numerous DADS are actually thinking about, “is my wife ok, our my children alright, will the bills be paid this month, are there enough groceries in the cupboards, is everyone ok, am I doing all that I need to do. Am I being the husband and provider GOD has ordered me to be.

-          Not the minority but the majority of men love, cherish and adore their children beyond what we could ever imagine.

Example 2: Pertains to never giving up on your relationship with your children:

Two years ago, a dad was sharing with me, his frustration with his daughter.  Years prior there had been words pertaining to him being absent from her life during her adolescent years. And as a result, they had not spoken in some time. Whatever advice or suggestions I provided, he remained hopeless and bitter. How many of you DADS are filling a void because there is a rift with your child? How many know a DAD who is facing various challenges with their child and is consumed with guilt?  Well, I’m here to say that:

-          It’s never too late to transform your relationship with your child

-          There are some things you can give up on but never give up on cultivating a positive relationship with your child

-          God has the power  with blink of an eye lid to  bring about a healing and deeper understanding

-          Fight for renewal in your relationship with your child and remember that through GOD all things are possible

Example 3: Pertains to Having No Regrets:

For many of us Fathers Day opens up wounds that are trying so desperately to heal. Many of you like myself, had to say good-by to our DAD much too soon. At least you feel that it was too soon. Two years ago my father went in for an outpatient surgery and passed away on the operating table. We had shared a conversation the day before laughing, sharing stories; just having a great time. His last words to me were, “sweetie, Daddy will talk to you tomorrow” but that opportunity never came. I find it difficult searching for father’s day cards and not purchasing one for my dad. I miss my dad so much. I’m so thrilled that whatever we needed to address we did. He knew how I felt and I knew his heart as it pertained to me.

The message to you this Fathers Day morning is this:

 Life is so very short and because we are only here for moment, you don’t have a life time to re event your child and children you don’t have a life time to re invent your DAD. All you have is this moment. Enjoy your DAD, love your DAD, and cherish your DAD.                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

When was the last time you said Dad I love you, Dad I appreciate you or thank you Dad just because. Well, no better time than today, to get some pep in your step and spoil your daddy.  And as you journey towards Father’s Day, spread the love around, as you are out and about extend a happy Father’s Day to the various Dads that you come into contact with.

And to all of you Dads out there standing on the front line 24/7 for your families, we see you, we honor you, we love you and we want you to know, that even though we set aside this day to treat you like a king and shower you with love, within our hearts we know and acknowledge that Father’s Day is actually every day.

*Mary E. Gilder is the author of the award winning novel, “A Misrepresentation of Myself.” Mary can be contacted at meg@maryegilder.com or bookclubs.maryegilder@yahoo.com. Also, visit her website at: maryegilder.com                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

To Unselfishly Give of Yourself

 by Mary E. Gilder*

                                                                                                                                

As many of you know, I love the game of football and on the afternoon of Thursday April 26, 2012, I had an opportunity to tune in to the 2012 NFL Draft.  Prior to each first round player’s name being announced, previously recorded footage was shown of players in their hotel rooms with extended family.

I was inspired by what I observed between several future NFL Stars and their families. It was a moment reflective of so many moments.  Yet, at the same time, very unreflective because within that moment life had come full circle for a chosen few.

Dad’s standing with such pride, as they extended powerful words.  I also watched with intensity as mom’s carefully inspected the suit to be worn for that special day, making sure that every detail was intact from the tie, shirt, cufflinks, socks, shoes, etc.

I was moved to go much deeper as I reflected on the actual journey of those families. I could never truly grasp the full extent of want brought them to that moment. However, I’m certain that the preparation began many years prior. Perhaps, with a small child stating, “I want to play football” or a parent stating, “I’m registering my son for the Pee Wee League.”And within that moment, unbeknownst to most, the journey began with: Tiny Tot, the Peewee League, Pop Warner, the High School Football Team, College Football and the final destination for the chosen few; The NFL Draft.

As I continued to reflect on their individual Journeys, I began to think about the sacrifices that were made by the parents and believe me when I say, it was an enormous one. I can recall when my brother Russell participated in sports. Russell began as a tiny tot and he retired his baseball bat after high school. I can still recall how my mom would rush home from work, prepare dinner and drop him off at practice. I can also remember mom adjusting her schedule week, after week, after week to attend Russell’s baseball games.  My mom was exhausted but she was there.

When my youngest Shana decided to play baseball as a fifth grader, I found myself in a state of semi unconsciousness with just trying to balance a professional career, my many responsibilities within the home and all that was required of me by Shana’s baseball team. I was beyond tired but I like so many parents, was committed to my child.

As I continued to be inspired by the NFL Draft, I was challenged to think about the selfless sacrifices of those parents who stood on the frontline. And if asked, most would do it all again because that’s what parents do for their “cubs”.

During the months of May and June, we as a Nation set aside time to honor our Fathers and Mothers.  As you prepare for this beautiful season of celebration, I want you to reflect on your journey and as you are in the mist of reflection, focus on the countless sacrifices that were made by your parents or by those in a parental role.

There is simply no better opportunity than during this special season to set aside time to extend love and appreciation for the sacrifices made. Sacrifices made so that as you journeyed towards your goals/dreams/passions, the tools needed to propel you towards your destiny would be within your reach.
To all of the Father’s and Mother’s who have stood on that frontline and to the millions that continue to stand faithfully, know that we LOVE you, APPRECIATE you and HONOR you. And as this season of celebration comes to an end, make a commitment to recognize and celebrate your parents on some profound level each and every day of your life.

Love, Peace and Joy,                                                                                                                                                                                                Mary

*   Mary E. Gilder is the author of the award winning novel, “A Misrepresentation of Myself.” Mary can be contacted at meg@maryegilder.com or bookclubs.maryegilder@yahoo.com. Also visit her website at: maryegilder.com. 

Mary's Motivational Message: A Hero Lies Within You

As we transition into the month of March, I would like to remind all that the month of February is about LOVE and also, for HONORING those who have paved the way for so many. With that being said during the year of 2011, I received a letter from Alameda County and for those of you residing outside that State of California, Alameda County is in Northern, California. And it encompasses the cities of: Fremont, Newark, Milpitas, Hayward, Union City, San Leandro, Oakland, Pleasanton, Livermore and Alameda California. I was invited to be a speaker at their annual Black History Celebration.

Their desire was for me to share my literary journey as well as, details pertaining to my novel. I agreed to participate and spent most of the day prior to the event polishing up my speech. As instructed, I was going to discuss my journey as an author. And because I do this often, I was prepared.

The night prior to the event, I retired to bed feeling very confident because my only challenge was in preparing my dress attire. My game plan was set; I was ready.  If only life could be that simple!!!

I awoke the next morning feeling as though my speech was all wrong and that it needed to be revamped. Two hours before I was set to depart for the event, I was at my computer re-writing my speech. For whatever reason, I was moved to take the focus away from myself and place it on the audience.

I made several phone calls and shared my revised plan of action and most stated, "Mary, this is your moment, you were invited to share your journey," However, in the end, I knew that I was called to do something more profound. I'm going to share with you a small portion of what I presented.

"I always state that HERO'S are born every day and History exists all around us. I also hold the belief, that we all have been blessed with many talents, passions, desires, gifts, dreams…etc. And for those of you who may feel as though you're working your 9 to 5 faithfully but you're still sitting on a dream. You may be feeling as though, there is a book inside of you, a song within your heart, a instrument to be mastered, a painting to be painted, a promotion to be explored or perhaps a return to school; the only person stopping you is you. Yes, the barriers you hold and continue to maintain!!!

My gift to you is to simply encourage you to follow your dreams. It takes courage to follow your passion because to do so may cause a shift or a discomfort. However, if others can do it, so can you. Just put together a realistic plan of action (realistic for you) and go for it. Your gifts have already been bestowed,"

Be mindful of the following three points:

 - Hero's exist all around you, just look around and take notice: They're in our class rooms, in our hospitals, tutoring your children, preparing the food you eat and growing and harvesting our vegetables. Those who feed us spiritually and those who keep us informed on a micro and macro level. They're coaching our youth, teaching ZUMBA classes (smile), Agency's committed to ensuring that children and families are safe, Drug and alcohol counselors, Mental health workers and  those who have overcome adversity. They're school bus drivers, Mentors, Small and large business owners, those who work at homeless shelters, Author's, Poets and Writers. They're also Volunteers, Stay at home Moms and Dads, Grand-parents, Uncles, Aunts and the list can go on and on. Just stop for a moment and take a look around and if you look closely, you will see them.

 - Be mindful of the importance of displaying GRATITUDE and APPRECIATION to those who have stood and are standing on the front-line. As a Nation we may not understand the depth of their contribution but it is important that we recognize it.

 - Most importantly, be mindful that you are on a customized assignment to shift you to where you need to be. As you JOURNEY through LIFE, never forget the LEGACY that you are also leaving each and every day.  Yes, a HERO does exist within you.

Mary E. Gilder-Author of the award winning novel, A Misrepresentation of Myself, contact her at www.maryegilder.com, bookclubs.maryegilder@yahoo.com, and at meg@maryegilder.com