Meditation: Healing the Scars from Child Abuse, Domestic Violence, PTSD and More

by True North,  author of True North: The Shocking Truth About "Yours, Mine and Ours"

Meditation saved my life.

My father, Richard North, died in a Navy jet test flight crash when I was six years old.   Fifteen months after his death, my mother, Helen North who had eight children, re-married a man named Frank Beardsley who had ten, making us one of the largest families in the country. We became famous, and our story was featured in the movie, Yours, Mine and Ours. But it wasn't one big happy family. We had to hide the fact that we were living a lie.

My stepfather was abusive on every level; physically, emotionally and sexually. His constant rage, disapproval and controlling personality left deep emotional scars. And, to make matters worse, our family hid this from the outside world, so we each suffered in silence. The toll I paid was enormous. Lacking any sense of self-worth, it drove me to depression and drugs. I imagine many people will identify with the feelings, even if their home life was not as extreme as mine. But trauma is trauma--whether suffered in a living room or the theatre of war.    

As a young adult I discovered meditation. It was my passage out of a deep depression and emotional despair, and I'm here to recommend it as a powerful and effective solution if you cannot get out of the mental patterns that keep you stuck, feeling a victim of past trauma.

Meditation was and still is a vital therapy for my continued survival and healing from a life of child abuse and domestic violence. I still practice it every day, having begun more than 38 years ago.

Meditation is indeed a powerful tool for health and healing on all levels. Research shows that group meditation can produce a radiating influence of peace in society. Recently, Dr. Deepak Chopra sponsored and conducted an online Global Group Meditation for Peace with over 100,000 people participating from around the world.  I was happy to be a part of this important event.

This was a tremendous service Dr. Chopra was delivering to the audience, for as he explained, meditation is the key to our connection with ourselves: Our Divine Selves. It is also our connection to the collective consciousness. Studies show that everything in the universe is connected and it is possible to unite people in heart-focused care and intention to facilitate the shift in global consciousness from instability and discord to balance, cooperation and enduring peace.

The Health Benefits of Daily Meditation are Many

The scientific evidence documenting the benefits of Transcendental Meditation, especially for PTSD, which includes child abuse, is conclusive. While there may always be skeptics, it is irrefutable that meditation delivers improvements on every level of life, from stress management to emotional, physical and spiritual balance.

Dr. Norman Rosenthal, senior research scientist at the National Institute of Health (NIH), has published his studies of over 300 experiments that prove the importance and benefits of meditation. This is in addition to the many thousands of published reports that have become available over the last 40 years that have come out of Maharishi University of Management, Harvard University and many others.

In my own experience, and in the experience of many meditators who have been culturing a daily meditation practice over time, the ongoing result has been a steadily growing expansion of awareness and appreciation for all of life. This takes the form of improved relationships with those around me, connection with the entire human race and seeing the divine intelligence in the simplest life forms.

I would be remiss if I didn't include experiencing an overwhelming sense of love for everyone and everything I encounter.  As one friend and former college classmate of mine said, "I was stopped in commuter traffic on the 405 freeway in L.A.  I looked around me at the thousands of cars and people and was feeling an unbounded love for all of them!"

If this is the outcome of consistent meditation, then it certainly is worth trying for anyone whose long-ago trauma-related or trauma-triggered emotions frequently get the better of them. For those who simply cannot see their way out of their own personal darkness, meditation is even more important. I encourage you to make the commitment.

8 Steps to Help You Develop Your Daily Meditation Practice for Trauma Healing

1.     Give yourself permission to get better, understanding that meditation can provide healing and relief.
2.     Seek out a meditation teacher. Meditation is like walking in an unfamiliar forest. It is best to have a guide.
3.     Commit to regularity. Research shows that 20 minutes twice a day is optimal.
4.     Create a space that is just for you to meditate each day. Unplug the phone(s) and put your silenced cell phone where you cannot see it. No cheating!
5.     Get your mediation checked regularly by your teacher. This is very important.
6.     If you absolutely have to miss a session, do not be hard on yourself - it is OK to renegotiate with yourself, recommit and pick up where you left off.
7.     Wait two months, and then check in on your memories of pain and trauma...do you feel better able to just let them go, to allow them to NOT MATTER anymore?
8.     Congratulate yourself for staying with it! You're on your way to true healing. 

*Disclaimer: Please remember that meditation is not a substitute for professional care or psychiatric help if that is what is needed.  Many physicians and psychologists recommend meditation in conjunction with standard therapies.

Tom North is the author of True North - The Shocking Truth About "Yours, Mine and Ours" They appeared to be the blissful Beardsleys, the happily blended family-eight of Helen North's, ten of Frank Beardsley's, and two children from their union. A family so famous in America that Lucille Ball and Henry Fonda played the parents in the box office smash--Yours Mine and Ours. But they were anything from blissful; in fact they were the beaten and battered Beardsleys. That's the real hidden story behind the spotlight. And Tom North, Helen's second eldest son, is now revealing how he survived the ordeal of living with a horrifyingly abusive stepfather that drove him to depression and drugs, and deprived him of his self-worth-and a mother who protected the image of the "perfect" family at all costs. But True North is much more than an inspiring and powerful account of a man who rose to success against all odds. It's a story of how Transcendental Meditation (TM) brought peace to Tom North and saved his life. It brings to light how effective meditation is as a means for healing trauma survivors and especially those who have endured any form of verbal, physical or sexual abuse. For more information, go to www.truenorthbytomnorth.com.  

Patricia Monaghan: Moving The World Through Meditation

by Cyrus Webb

Over the years I have heard about the benefits of meditation, but never thought it was something that I would personally begin doing myself. To be honest it all seemed so complicated, and I didn't see how I would be able to use it in a way that could help me when I really didn't even understand it.

That changed, however, when I read MEDIATION: The Complete Guide by Patricia Monaghan and Eleanor Viereck. It put meditation in a context where I could see that there was more than just one way to go after the focus that meditation has to offer, and that allowed me to find a course that worked best for me.

I had the opportunity to talk with Patricia about the book on Conversations LIVE, and it was a really enlightening discussion. "The life of an author is really very isolated," she told me. "It thrills my heart when I know it is making a difference." As we discussed the process of writing the book and doing the research and then being able to share it with readers in various forms, she mirrored a sentiment that I have always felt to be true. "We all feel as though we have something to tell the world. Through the internet there is much more availability. People are finding themselves through self-expression."

Patricia went on to talk about how essentially we all do bring something special to the world. It's our special gift, she explained. We are expressing that particular divine gift to the world in the forms that we know how. When I mentioned the book and how meditation can be confusing to some she agreed that the word meditation is used so loosely. It essentially means to be grounded and centered, she told me, but we know that most of the world is not that way. Her message that she wants readers to get from the book is this: meditation is what centers you in the moment. That is what we should be striving for.

MEDITATION: The Complete Guide begins by helping us to understand what mediation isn't. That opens up the door for us to get a clear understanding about what it means to meditate and how we get the most from it. Patricia also helped me to appreciate the gift of the present with this reminder: "The breath I breathe right now is the only breath I have," she said. "We can't have the breath of tomorrow now or go back and get the breath from yesterday. It's all about right now."

The book takes you through various forms of meditation from all around the world, and allow you to see how you can find what might work best for you. Patricia reiterated to me and the listeners that the important thing is not to be so focused on trying to do it perfectly. We should just make a point of doing it! "Being more centered will enhance your performance," Patricia told us. No matter why you come to meditation, however, you will are sure to become less invested in the momentary aspect and more in tune with the spirit of it.

I have found this to be true in my own life. Since 2011 I have been incorporating meditation in my daily life. Will the method I use work for you? Well, the only way to know is to try! You can find out more about Patricia and her other work by visiting www.patricia-monaghan.com. The book MEDITATION: The Complete Guide is available wherever books are sold or online through Amazon.com.