I am alive today because someone loved me in a very special way.
As the suicidal thoughts plagued my mind one day.
Between my ears lies my eyes
Looking through my eyes
Lies the windows to my soul
But in my head
where all the memories goes
and reoccurring storms flow
when it subsides and causes my brain waves to ignite
I had a premonition of a dreadful flight.
I was planning my consummation
Soaring off into oblivion one night.
Wanting to release myself
From this casket shaped design of a
Who was always critically defined
Because of the openness of her mind.
I am alive today because someone loved me
In a very special way.
I cared for the world
But often times behind my back the world
Didn’t care for me, the same.
I am an educated, strong, independent black woman
But some only allow themselves to see
My openly sexuality
I refuse to change whom I am to assimilate in your formed
And even when I’m at strongest point a tear drop falls
My head slumps low
My heart hardens and my soul cringes from deep within my core.
My mind can only accept this as a way of escaping the battle
or journey from within by ending it in a quick instant.
Wanting my soul to tiptoe across the clear blue skies
A soft voice from the outside came and whispered to my ears on the inside,
“No, Not Yet! Your life isn’t done Yet….
You have so much to share come back and come down off the edge.
I’m here, and I’ll show you that there’s more to life because I care.
I care that you are here! Your mere existence erased all of my fears.
Your strength poured into my pores and I feel that I can live once more.
How can I live my life through you? If, You aren’t here.”
So I began to gather my thoughts and sat “selfish” up under the stairs.
I was happy again because for that instance,
Someone showed me how much they truly cared.
by Regina Duggins