From their relationship self
help book, Good Gravy, married co-authors, Life and Business Coaches and
Inspirational Speakers, Will and Odette Hooks offer tips you can use in your
relationship to keep the fire burning or to start the fire.
Chapter 1 RELATIONSHIP
Tip1:
Communication – Effective
communication is a must have component to having a strong and healthy
relationship. How you communicate with one another is important to how
the outcome of the conversation will turn out.
Will: Most men dread hearing these heart wrenching words
“We need to talk” it usually means something’s wrong or that we’ve screwed
something up in a major way. This is especially true when effective and
controlled communication is not a strong point of the relationship. Contrary
to popular opinion; idle talk is not communicating, nor is casually suggesting
how you feel to your partner which is more like beating around the bush.
Having a shouting match with your mate then tarring into an out of control
tirade is certainly not communicating. Effective communication within a
relationship must be a deliberate and thoughtful exercise. Incorporating
healthy communication into a relationship serve only to broaden, heal, and
strengthen the overall relationship.
Odette: In a
relationship we, women, have a tendency to talk too much, nag, or yell and
scream. This makes it a little difficult for the woman who truly wants to
have an intellectual conversation to help dissolve the problem or
problems. We must learn to listen and talk to our mate and not at him.
Tip 2: Respect – Respect within a relationship is of vital importance
whereas each individual has a right to their own opinion and point of
view. Though a couple may not always agree on every issue, the presence
of respect allows for understanding. One must consider a person’s time,
feelings and needs as important enough to render the highest level of respect
for their partner. We need to respect each other on a daily basis. Women
really need to respect their man especially during a disagreement.
Will: The scenario of two opposing genders coming together
in creating a relationship strongly suggests that in order for the relationship
to be a success compromise must be an essential element. There will
undoubtedly be moments of disagreement in any relationship. Respect for
the opinion and view of another as well as their right to have a differing
perspective is very important.
Odette: In
general, as women I don’t know if we simply don’t realize how we talk to our
mate when we are upset, mad and/or frustrated. We talk down to talk to
them like they are a child and not the man we fell in love with. Being
that a man likes to feel like a man from his woman, if he is not receiving it
he will find it elsewhere.
Chapter 2 SINGLE
Tip1: Enjoy it! - Being single too long seems to be looked at as
taboo for women. This should be a time for a man or a woman to really get
to know more about self.
Will: What can you say? The single life is a golden
opportunity of self-discovery. To sample all that life has to offer in order to
make a sound choice of which path ones life will take.
Odette: Women
seem to be in a rush to get married but I challenge each and every single woman
out there to get to know herself and truly fall in love with you. You are
special in every way but you have got to know that before you can expect anyone
else to discover you’re special.
Tip 2: You can do
bad all by yourself - A
person should always desire to be with someone that helps to “Brings the best
out of them” The idea of being in a relationship with someone that brings
nothing good to the table or takes away from the relationship far more than
they contribute; makes no sense at all.
Will: Any relationship that takes away from a person their
peace, vitality, joys and enthusiasm for life is only worth letting go. Two are
better than one; therefore the idea of a relationship should uplift, inspire,
and embolden a person’s individual strengths.
Odette: My
mother use to tell me this one all the time about life and I took it and
applied it to relationships. A man had to bring something to the table
other than lies, false promises and the ability to make things convenient be
the reason why things don’t work out for him all the time.
Chapter 3 FRIENDSHIP
Tip1: Back Door
Entrance (Get to really know each
other) - As just friends you will open up much faster and share your dreams,
goals, hopes, desire, hurts, pains, etc… than you ever would having met out of
the blue and started dating.
Will: I would describe friendship as a painless way of
building a relationship. Knowing a person from the aspect of a friend
greatly minimizes the impact of the unknown issues relating to dating out of
the blue.
Odette: For
those of you who are already in a relationship and believe you have missed the
friendship stage I challenge you to learn how to each other’s friend. You
will learn so much about one another.
Tip 2: The Friend
Zone - Don’t get stuck in
the “Friend Zone” its hard to get out, but not impossible.
Will: If the friendship is true, one should take advantage
of this position and communicate the feelings they hold in their heart.
Odette: As a
woman, I waited until Will showed a definite attraction to me before I took the
step to tell him how I feel.
Chapter 4 DATING
Tip1: Law of
Attraction – What you put out
comes right back; good or bad.
Will: In the mind of a man there are only two types
of women; ‘Take home” and ‘Take home to Mom’ which category a woman falls
in totally depends on what she’s putting out. This will determine
what type of man will approach her and what approach he will use.
Odette: Ladies
you believe in your heart that every relationship you enter into will be like
all the rest; then that is exactly what type of relationship you will
get. You must know that the next relationship will be the best
relationship. Or, the relationship you are in will get better each and
every day.
Tip 2: A Fool in
Love - It’s amazing
what someone in love will do for a person that does not love them back.
Will: If a person’s relationship is requiring that they
abandon common sense on a consistently reoccurring basis that’s a fool in
love. Taking care of a full grown individual who is fully capable of
doing for themselves is foolish.
Odette: Ladies,
please wake up. Stop putting yourself in the position of finding yourself in a
relationship with a man that you take care of all the time, lie for and/or even
go to jail for the sake of “your man.”
Chapter 5 MARRIAGE
Tip1: Keep the music
playing - Don’t lose sight
of the most important part of the relationship; ‘Your Love’. Compliments,
little things mean a lot, date again, time well spent, etc…
Will: Somewhere in the course of marriage there is a shift
the relationship seems to move away from the gestures and the excitement that
got the ball rolling in the first place. This happens deliberately and
therefore there must be determination to always hang on to essence of what
caused love to bloom.
Odette: Woman,
show your man your love for him a little differently. Run his bath water
sometimes, give him a massage, and tell him all the good things he is to
you. Men may not be as nearly as emotional as we are but there still have
emotions.
Tip 2: Outside
Influences - They ruin the
best relationships.
Will: One of the major influences on any relationship is
family and friends, but at the end of the day the relationship is with the
person only and not the extension of the person. That time will come.
Odette: Stop
listening to your girlfriends about your relationship and I would even go a
step further. Stop allowing your family into your relationship between
you and your mate. They can mean well but they can also be detrimental to
your relationship.
Chapter 6 ABUSE
Tip1: Love - learn and understand what love truly is. Abuse
is NOT LOVE!
Will: I find it hard to believe that a person can quickly
identify abuse when it is directed toward an animal or a child but will somehow
rationalize the abuse they suffer as love.
Odette: I believe the root of all abuse lies with the
person being abused. The person being abused has the control to stop the
abuse by removing themselves from the situation.
Tip 2: Safeguard
& Security - Safety is
the first and best key in avoiding becoming a victim of violence.
Will: When dating someone you know nothing about,
personal safety should always be the utmost thought in a person's mind.
A person should never allow themselves to be put in a situation that takes away
their control.
Odette:
Women stop leaving the bar/club with a man you do not know and going to his
house. Do you know how many things could go wrong?
