Conversations Magazine's October/November Issue

Conversations Magazine's October/November Issue

AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT: Dennis Perkins

Saturday, July 25, 2020

[The J Spot with Shari Alyse] Always Allow Love to Offer Wisdom


Quite a few years ago, when that Tom guy was running that hugely popular social networking site (yeah, you loved it too), I received a random email from a 15 year old boy that said, “You are an old b*#ch and should stop trying to look so hot and stop acting like a whore.”

Wow. 

That was a bit unexpected (to say the least) and quite a message to wake up to that day. I didn’t know the boy. I didn’t know why I received it. All I did know was that my first thoughts were how immature he was. And then the anger and defensiveness came over me and I started going over in my head how he’d be lucky to have a woman like me, how I felt sorry for his parents, that he must not have any friends, and on and on and on. Suddenly, I had the realization that as I was going off in my head about this boy, I was acting in the same manner he was. I was lashing out at him because of some hurt I was feeling. I stopped dead in my tracks, took a breath and did something I had never done before up to that point.

I decided to act with LOVE.

I decided right then and there that this boy needed love. I wasn’t sure why that thought came to me, but I knew it was something that had to be done. It didn’t need to be a novel or lecture telling him how childish and rude he was and how he would learn one day or anything like that. It only needed to be love. I opened up his message and simply wrote, “Love and peace to you” and signed my name. That was it. I went on with the rest of my day.

The next morning, I saw in my inbox that I had a new message and the sender was this boy. My heart sunk a bit not sure what rudeness I was going to read now. What came next almost knocked me over. It read, “I’m sorry for what I wrote yesterday. I’m just a young, immature kid and I hope you can forgive me.” I must have re-read that email about 10 times in that moment and had the biggest smile on my face.

It was right there that I knew for sure that love and kindness are always the way to go in any situation. 

I learned right then that if I had reacted in the same manner as him, then any lesson he could’ve learned would have been lost through the nasty things I would’ve said. By me acting from a place of love and kindness, he was then able to see his behavior clearly. I see it happen every day. I see people go back and forth in fighting and never see how they play a major part in what is happening.

The woman who was blocking a door at the grocery store while on her phone will never see how she was being self-absorbed and selfish because all she will talk about and remember is the “crazy” woman who went off on her at the grocery store. The guy who was being rude and not letting the other driver in on the freeway, won’t see that he was not being kind, he will only remember the “animal” on the road who flipped him off and blared his horn. The woman at Starbucks who forgot her manners by not holding the door open for someone, will not see her behavior, but will instead only see the angry woman who mumbled under her breath calling a few choice swear words. All of those people now go about their day, being upset, unhappy, pissed off and then sharing that negative energy with all the people they come across. Do you see how this cycle works?

I, alone, cannot bring about world peace, but I can bring inner peace to myself and to my immediate surroundings by being guided by kindness, love, and compassion with all those whom I come across every day. We, individually are responsible for the energy that we bring into a room and into the world each day. I invite you to begin thinking about what you want to leave behind when you walk out of a room. Do you want to be that person that brings joy into it and leaves others with a smile or do you want to be that person that brings everyone down when you are around and then can’t wait for you to leave? We have choices in every single moment, and even when it might seem hard to take the higher road, it is possible and it will bring forth a gentler and kinder world for others, but most importantly, for yourself.

When faced with challenging situations, always remember to A.L.L.O.W. (Always Let Love Offer Wisdom) love and kindness to guide you in all that you do.

We never know what the other person is going through on that particular day and we would only hope that we would receive the same forgiveness when we act in ways that might not always be in our higher, better self. None of us are perfect, and if we can remember as much as possible that most people just want to be loved and felt appreciated, we can begin to act from this place of LOVE and witness as everyone and everything in our lives begins to change. I will admit that it’s not always easy, but as they say, it is always worth it.

By the way, I wrote back to that boy, “Of course I forgive you. I was immature once, too. Still am sometimes.” He simply responded with a smile. A special thank you goes out to that young man for his apology and for allowing me now to be led by a life of compassion, kindness, love and forgiveness.

“Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are.” − Unknown


Shari Alyse is the best selling author of the book, Love Yourself Happy. She is also a motivational speaker and self-love coach. If you’d like to work with Shari, you can find out more about her at www.ShariAlyse.com


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