TOUGH LOVE with Meg Collins

Have you ever wondered what would have happened if you stayed in a relationship that you left due to harboring resentments or due to cheating, violence, or lack of communication?

I recently watched a movie called, “Fireproof,” and this couple struggled due to lack of time for one another and their relationship. They had both given up, until the husband’s Father stepped in and said that to salvage his relationship and marriage; he went on a 40 day journey to do something different for his partner every single day. In this book that the Father had written to his Son, he continues to encourage him not to give up and to continue his pursuit of happiness in his marriage. He buys flowers, chocolates, makes her coffee before work, gets her cold medicine, calls to check on her at work; she noticed nothing because they had done nothing for one another for so long.

How do you get back something that you lost in life, folks? Do you let it go and move forward with your life? Are you holding onto the past so tightly that it feels like it is strangling your very being of existence? Do you think that your time is up with life and that God has forgotten about you and passed you by for someone more important? Letting go of our faults, errors, and mistakes is a challenge. Moving forward is crucial, as we delve into a new spiritual journey of existence and let go of those who hurt us or the ones we hold so dearly.

Some days this is a tough task for many people, including me, however, I must believe that God is there; omnipresent in all my trials. I must believe that He can hear me and that He has not forgotten about me and what I have gone through and been through in my life; what I am struggling to get out of in my barren existence some days. We always have gratitude for all things that come our way and as humans, we do make mistakes and fall, fail, falter, give up, lose hope, and then something happens; we are inspired by the Bible or a mere strangers words to our very soul.

Stuck in a rut is an option. We choose to be stuck. That couple chose to be stuck and they stayed together in the end, because of faith and perseverance. I am not just speaking about relationships; I am talking about your very life and your very happiness, right now, today. Are you happy? Make a list and review why you are unhappy and what is triggering your emotional instability. For most of us it may be just a few things. For others, it may seem a meaningless existence.

I am here to tell you that you DO have worth and that you DO have meaning in my life and the lives of others as well. Change your attitude and thought process to one that is positive; maybe you are not around positive people today. The people we tend to hang out with are the very people we can hence become in our lives. Choose you today; choose uniqueness, character, faith, and hold on, hold on for your very life. This life only happens one time for all of us; then we answer to what we have done on this earth.  Tell me, what have you done and are you ready to meet your Maker?


Meg Collins is a columnist, author, radio show host, editor and ghostwriter. You can contact her with your thoughts on this article at beachermeg@gmail.com or follow her on Twitter at www.twitter.com/megcollins9. 

(Column) "Tough Love" with Meg Collins

Remember the days when your parents brought you up and,"Leave it to Beaver," was on the television which was black and white in the kitchen? Tough lessons and tough love is what I will be discussing with you today.

Many of us grew up with one parent and not two parents; it makes settling down with the right man or woman quite a challenge, especially in 2012. Higher standards and raising the bar time for many of us who are still single today. Why? I am going to help you solve that problem today and explain to you what I have learned after several years of dating and being single, and hence, why I remain single today. I grew up with a Mother who was both parents, and saw my Father once a year, if I was lucky. Hence, I lacked that Father figure role model that I needed in my life; I made poor choices in dating and marriage. I picked the emotionally unavailable men because that is all I knew and saw around my life. I remember waiting for a Christmas card from my Father the day before Christmas because he always sent the card by Fed Ex mail; he was always running behind, yet I loved the messages and letters he would write in those cards so much. It was not about the check that came with it at all. Well, for a little while when I was younger, it was I suppose, however, I got to a point in my life where I phoned my Dad and said, "Dad, rather than receive your checks, I would rather see you." It happened for a while and then went back and forth to once a year visits.

When my Father was 76 years old, he came to me to apologize to me. He said, "I am so sorry. I have missed so many years with you. I regret it; all that time that I missed in your life." I told him,"Dad, I forgive you and we have today." For the next four years of his life, we were pen pals. I would ask him questions and he would respond to me in his letters, and if he was behind in writing me back, he called me to say, "I know, I know, Meg. I owe you a letter and it will be out to you this week." He finally understood what I meant that one day when I was a young girl; all I wanted was his time, not his money. My Father coded at 80 years old when I was at the foot of his bed. He waited for everyone to be okay and then, he passed onto heaven. I can also remember that I would send him religious books. I was not trying to be preachy, however he was getting older and I was not sure if he was saved or not at that point in his life. His response to my books was, "Well, Meg, if you think that by my reading these books that it will keep me out of hell, I will read them, okay?"

We had an interesting relationship as Daughter and Father, however, because he was rarely around and I spent so much of my life screaming inside, :See me, talk to me, visit me, hug me, hear me, listen to me, love me," I found myself in a spiral of not so healthy relationships. I am telling you this story so that if you are in the spiral of negative relationships that I was trapped in for several years, you will too, see the flags and work on trying to find a way back to what is healthy, what is Christian, and what to look for in a man of quality and love. I went back to my family of origin. I traced back all the relationships in my family, number of marriages, number of divorces, number of alcoholics, number of co-dependant's, and then I was beginning to have a few answers to work with in my archaeological dig of my own past time.

Then I was challenged. I had to list all my relationships up to 40 years old. I had to chart how they were, if they were healthy or unhealthy and why; this took me 3 months to complete and was quite a project for me to be given, right? I was able to figure out that a bulk of my relationships were unhealthy, so then I needed to make a list of the qualities I wanted in a partner. I listed ten and kept them in my wallet. I got to a point later in my life where I felt like I needed to have a questionnaire prior to a first date; I trashed that one to be honest with you. If you ask me today what I am looking for in a man it is: someone who goes to church, shows up at events, someone I can see once a week, a man who is close to his Mother because how he treats his Mother is a direct reflection of how he will treat me, honesty, and a man that has a plan for what he wants out of his life.

Let us go back a bit to the last remark-a plan for what he wants for his life, not mine. You define what you want out of your own life and mesh your life with someone else's and lift one another up in the process of any adversity.This is important because no one in the world can make you happy; that is your job. If you are not happy with your own self, you probably do not belong in a relationship at all at this time. First, find out who you are, and then and only then, if you had an absent parent in your life, try what I did and see if it works. I cannot offer a money back guarantee for this one, folks, however I can tell you that I am choosing much healthier men in my life now.

I was blessed with the best Mother in the world, and my Father, he loved me as best as he knew how to in his life. My message is pretty clear this month to accept and forgive people for their faults and move forward in finding out what you want for you in your life and in your relationships with other people in your life. We all have a shelf life and our expiration date is unknown. Today my friends, make every day count and celebrate the people in your life with their faults and all, as none of us are perfect; only God is perfect. Lower your expectations so that the Berlin wall that you may have up may be chipped away slowly; your heart deserves to be loved by another, so take a leap of faith with me and explore the very being of your soul this month. 

Be well and of good spirits, my friends!

Sincerely,

Meg Collins

Columnist, Radio Show Host, Editor, Ghostwriter, Poet, and Author
Contact Meg directly at beachermeg@gmail.com.

"Tough Love" by Meg Collins [Relationships]

Hi everyone and welcome to Meg Collins column on relationships, dating, and many other facets of your lives that may be pertinent in 2011 and in 2012 for you, personally and professionally. Whether you are a woman or a man, this column is for all eyes in any industry. "Patti Novak, one of America's toughest matchmakers, says you may be to blame for your single status. Patti says that her years of experience have taught her one thing—millions of women have missed the mark when it comes to love." Patti continues with this comment that I would like to discuss with you today, "Somewhere along the line, and I'm really not sure [when], we lost our common sense," she says.

Ladies and gentlemen, when did we drop the ball on being of civility in dating and giving things a chance in our lives? There are many women and men that I have interviewed that clearly state, "I have given up on dating and am fine being single." Others comment that going to a local bar, attending golf matches, going to tea at elite restaurants, and going to happy hours are the best way to go in meeting a person of civility and one that may complete you as an individual. I tend to disagree with some of these comments. To meet a person of good character, you must first be a person of good character in your life. It is The Law of Attraction, in that if you put out good energies and are a person of good character and carry joy in your lives regularly, you will hence attract someone of equal goodness in your lives. Are you playing at the wrong soccerplex? Change it today. Are you hanging out with friends and colleagues that carry wisdom and a sense of good knowledge and self-esteem? As they stated in the olden days, "You are who you hang out with in life." Patti Novak definitely knows what she is talking about and is an expert in the area of dating. My question to you is what is holding you back from meeting someone and staying with them in your life or is that you are completely and utterly terrified of having someone in your life because you do not want to change habits and adapt to newness, one that could represent true love in your lives?

A few comments that I have received from people are the following, explaining why they are fearful or what obstacles they have run into in the dating process recently:

"The biggest obstacle is the lack of honesty. People need to tell the basic truth. True story- I met a gentleman on a dating site, I thought that he was attractive, seemed intelligent, employed and enjoyed the arts. After several weeks of communicating I set up a meeting. I'm not sure who showed up! He was at least 20 years older than picture, ah maybe the dated eye wear should have told me something. I'm not objecting the age as much as the dishonestly. Be proud of who you are and quit trying to be what you are not in life."

"My biggest is rejection, especially as we get older and the chore of going through the entire relationship process."

"I have had men in my live that have not claimed, until later, to be residing in an RV and recently separated, one man who was wearing an old UPS jacket and never worked for UPS as well as was driving regularly his Grandmother's car, one man picked up by SWAT team at his home due to stealing money at his job, another man who lived in a hotel and cried heavily on my recording after the first date, a man who carried a man purse, and many that were 20 years older than myself as well. The retail value of the phone headsets retailed more than the shirts on these men. Another one had a breathalyzer in his car and jogged home from a first date. I am not even sure if I should date at all at this point in my life and I am 43 years old."

"Getting all dressed up. High heel shoes hurt my feet."

"I have a lazy eye which is correctible and can be controlled, but once, on a blind date, the first thing my date told me was, "You know, you can get that fixed," and that my friends ended the date.

Let us gather together and trust our own intuitions in our lives, as 9 out of 10 times, our gut is right in life. Sharing your lives with someone is important and I truly agree with that in general. Have you started going to an elite hospital or a library lately to meet someone of true measure or done volunteer work simply because you would like to give back to society as a whole? Try something new in your life and share it with me when you embrace that different experience, as I will with you as well. Have a blessed day and enjoy your pursuits in the dating arena, as we all have a shelf life and are not certain of life's expiration date. Enjoy those around you and celebrate your life every single day and simply be who you are meant to be in your lives; enjoy the abundance of doors that burst open for you in 2012!

Sincerely,

Meg Collins

Columnist, Radio Show Host, Author, Poet, Editor, and Ghostwriter.